From Mr E to Mr Z
by JaceDLark
Summary: After doing his time and paying his dues, the Riddler faked his own death. Now in the guise of Theodore Zerr, Teddy is the successful owner/manager of Gotham's best monthly crossword publication. When Dick Grayson wins his monthly competition he meets the man and sparks begin to fly but will their fledgling romance survive when their pasts come to light? SLASH. Possible OOC.
1. The Birth of Mr Z

G'day!

Here's another plot bunny that demanded I get back to work! But before that, here's the usual disclaimers.

1) I do not own any of these characters, locations, etc. or there would be much more slash out there.

2) And speaking of slash... This is all about guy on guy. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. It's as easy as that.

3) I'm Australian. My words may be spelt differently to you. I will not change them to suit you. Also, my knowledge of Americanisms is seriously lacking. I might get things wrong and I would love it if you could let me know when I do. Eg - Jello in America is called Jelly here, thus Jelly in America is called Jam. Confused yet? Now you understand my dilemmas.

4) I don't have a beta. All mistakes (which I hope to keep to a minimum) are mine. Feedback, con crit and reviews are always welcome. How else can I get better if no one tells me?

I hope you like my story and I'm trying to add at the very least, a new chapter each week. I would love it if someone out there can conquer the Tease. Confused? You'll find out at the end of the chapter!

Cheers, Jace.

* * *

><p><strong>From Mr E to Mr Z<strong>

_Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z_

Faking his own death had been ridiculously easy. Absolute child's play for the smartest man in Gotham. Edward Nygma and the Riddler were no more. He still enjoyed a good riddle or two but his super villainous days of the past were at an end.

Naturally, the only challenge was to fool the Dark Knight. The man would obviously doubt a simple motor vehicle accident so the Riddler had to make it extremely convincing. He did. Seven years he'd been living his new life and he was still yet to run into the Batman. There were two possible explanations. One, he'd actually managed to fool Gotham's greatest detective or two, he was no longer interested in the Riddler's activities since the Prince of Puzzles wasn't perpetrating crimes anymore. In his opinion, option two was definitely the most likely.

Which was a shame. The Dark Knight was pretty much the only other intelligent being in the whole of Gotham. It had taken a few years of introspection for the Riddler to realise that the majority of his crimes were really a cry for Batman's attention. That way he could verbally spar with someone who could actually keep up with him without stumbling over his extensive vocabulary. Although he loathed to admit it, this was the difficult part of remaining anonymous. A small fragment of him yearned to garner his attention and it was a daily battle to quash that particular feeling. Then again, he'd served his time in Blackgate (bored out of his mind) and decided it would be a tragedy if his brilliance was once again incarcerated.

Originally he'd planned to return to lab work but decided against it so he'd made a new career for himself. It had taken a few years of hard work for Mr Z's Variety Puzzles to become the success that it had today. He was (still) the sole owner and employee of the monthly crossword puzzle franchise. Let's face it, it's not like creating word problems was a difficult challenge after facing the Batman on an almost weekly basis.

There were still aspects of himself that had carried over from his previous life. He was still hardworking, although this was now guided in a more positive direction. His intellect was still vastly superior to everyone else's which also meant he was pretty much a loner. The Batman was virtually the only person who could ever claim to understand him with any degree of success and since he was loathed by the detective and smarter than everyone else, he'd avoided forming any deeper connections since.

The other main link to his past was his newly fashioned name. Theodore Zerr. It made him smile, classic Ridder. Teaser (T Zerr) is another word for riddle, so that part matched up extremely well and Teddy rhymes with Eddie. That way he was less likely to miss someone calling it out (not that it ever really was since who actually knew him?) and unwittingly draw attention to the fact that it wasn't his original name.

Teddy rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He'd been daydreaming again, dredging up memories from the past. He refocussed his attention on the computer screen and quickly added the last twenty-seven words to his cryptic crossword. It was a fine balancing act, creating the puzzles easy enough that any old idiot would be able to do at least half, while making the rest challenging enough to keep him from scratching his eyes out.

When he realised the Terrible Tease was all that remained of the next issue, Teddy smiled absently to himself as he stood and stumbled to his fridge. He always left this one for last and it was the reason that his books sold so well. The simple looking crossword was anything but. Unlike regular crosswords, this one didn't have clues printed next to it under neat columns of across and down. They could be found scattered on the other pages, hidden in pictures, encoded in random blurbs and some couldn't be solved until other puzzles in the book were completed.

Really, it was the masterpiece of each issue and it was the only puzzle that he awarded prizes for. To date it hadn't yet been completed. After every issue, Teddy found himself chuckling in amusement at some of the answers that had clearly been invented just so whoever it was could send it in. There was a hall of fame on his website where Sylvia Moore still held the top spot with a completion rate of fifty-nine percent. Every month, he sent the eighty-one year old woman a bouquet of flowers (making sure they weren't some of Ivy's) and a bottle of wine. She'd remained in the top spot for thirty-seven months in succession.

Teddy would also post a complete solver's guide to the Tease on his website at the conclusion of the competition period so that everyone could see how it all fit together. There was an active blog dedicated to the answers where people crowed about how close they were to this one and if only they had blah, blah, blah. It was hilarious to browse as they often cussed him out while still praising him to the rafters for his genius. Reading the blog always cheered him up when he was feeling down.

Teddy grabbed the milk and took a quick swig from the carton before putting it on the counter. He selected some cereal and poured it into a bowl before taking the two items to his dining table. The success of his business allowed him to live in a modest two bedroom house situated in one of the nicer suburbs of Gotham. He could have bought somewhere more exclusive but that would only make him a target for the villains he was once associated with.

A quick visit to his mailbox later, he began the task of reading the Tease entries as he ate his breakfast. Today there were only seventeen; a light day. The second one had him snorting into his Lucky Charms. Only three words were answered and the rest was left blank. All three were completely wrong. What an absolute waste of postage. That wasn't the only one that caused him to almost kill himself on his cereal.

Unlike the previous entries, the first four words of the second-to-last entry were actually correct. Make that eight, twelve, sixteen... All twenty across words were right! His spoon was still raised halfway to his mouth, milk and charms dripping steadily into his lap but the genius paid no heed as he scanned the downs to realise that for the first time ever, someone out there had managed to complete his exceptionally difficult puzzle.

It was then that Teddy realised he'd made a mess of his bathrobe and gave his breakfast up as a lost cause. He cleaned up the table and was on the way to having a shower when he realised that he'd not paid the slightest attention to who had sent the entry in. The splattered robe was dumped into the laundry pile and he walked back to the table. The name there surprised him. Richard Grayson from Blüdhaven.

As he showered, the genius remembered the first adopted child of the multimillionaire Bruce Wayne. He'd grown up in the circus before his parents were killed. The trapeze if he wasn't mistaken. Why would a wealthy socialite's son move to Blüdhaven, where the crime rate was even worse than Gotham? Now there's a real teaser.

Grayson would have been a child when Teddy was the Riddler and the small flare of hope in his stomach died. He'd thought for sure that the only person who could finish the Tease would be Batman. Cleary this was not the case. It would have been amazing to meet the man, to see if he'd be recognised as his former self. To talk to the Batman without needing to threaten an entire city and without being knocked out, tied up or outclassed in some other way.

However, this Richard Grayson was definitely worth a look. He obviously had a great set of brains and he needed to give him the one thousand dollar prize for cracking the Tease. Of course, with Bruce as his guardian, the money was probably not necessary but there was no way Teddy Zerr would wimp out and sulk because someone actually displayed a glimmer of intelligence. For the first time since his rebirth, Teddy was truly excited.

Teddy showered and dressed in one of his nice red shirts and a pair of dark blue jeans. His days of donning green were unfortunately long gone. He was certain he'd be much more likely to be caught out if he wore the colour that made his eyes pop so he limited himself to luridly green underwear to make up for it. The only other green garment he owned was his original costume. It and the cane were the only nostalgic items he'd retained from his former life and he glanced at them fondly in the closet before closing the door.

After completing the rest of his hygiene routine, Teddy made his first stop of the day at the Bank of Gotham where he withdrew one thousand dollars from his Business account in five dollar bills. It barely made a dent in his takings so far so he hardly felt bad about it. He then raided a stationery store for some cardboard, a fuck ton of thumbtacks, a black marker and some clear cellophane.

Teddy returned to his house and curbed his want to draw a large question mark on the cardboard and instead drew the word 'Congratulations!' in large print. He then began the laborious task of pinning each fiver to the cardboard in an artful way that displayed the majority of the lettering and still showed every note. He was pleased with the end result and wrapped the prize in the cellophane so that if one or two of the notes managed to fall off, it would still remain with the prize. The last thing he needed was a lawsuit due to negligence of fifteen dollars.

Loading the prize into his car, Teddy committed the address on the form to memory and programmed it into his GPS. The drive was pleasant and he realised it had been a while since the man had taken the time to leave his house for an extended period of time. The gloomy scenery of Gotham gave way to a beautiful coastline. All too soon the view returned to that of urban development and the even more depressing misery of Blüdhaven loomed all around him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter One<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**17 Across - XVI (7 letters)**_

_**30 Down - Possess (3 letters)**_

_Print out the blank crossword at the web address below and start to fill it in. It's actually quite important to the storyline in later chapters. Teddy would be ecstatic to know that fanfic readers can be just as intelligent as he! _

_NOTE! Don't pay for the crossword! Just save the example image or copy the design into a grid. I'm in no way affiliated with the website, I just wanted to use something already on the web to make locating it easier.  
><em>

www dot 123rf dot com / photo_12374852_empty-crossword-grid dot html

_Just make sure to remove the spaces and_ _replace each dot with a full stop._


	2. Meeting Mr Grayson

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Two - Meeting Mr Grayson_

Studiously following the annoying woman's voice on his GPS, Teddy turned throughout the suburban areas of Blüdhaven and pulled up at a slightly run down house in the middle of mediocrity. Obviously Mr Grayson had also elected to blend in so his abode would hopefully remain safe in his absence. The lawns were moderately well kept, no doubt to avoid suspicion from his neighbours and Teddy glanced behind him at the prize and now wished he'd made it more subtle. He shrugged internally since it was too late for him to change it now, picked it up and made his way up the front path.

There was no doorbell or knocker so Teddy rapped smartly on the door. There was a crash and some muttered cursing before the door flung open and Teddy was met with a rumpled, boxer-clad man with ruffled raven hair. It was certainly a challenge to keep his eyes on the man's face when he was one of the most ripped men he'd ever seen in real life. He had clearly been woken up from sleep and stood blinking at him. Oh wait, that's right. He's here on business.

"Good morning. I'm sorry for waking you up, Mr Grayson," Teddy apologised. Against his will, his eyes travelled to the man's biceps and he quickly pulled his gaze back up where it belonged.

Richard cleared his throat before responding. "That's alright Mr..."

"Zerr. Theodore Zerr. Teddy if you prefer," he answered Richard's unasked question.

Richard flashed him a quick grin, all perfectly gleaming teeth. "Only if you call me Dick. Come in," he waved the stranger into his home.

Teddy didn't know which to question first. The name or the invite. He settled on the former. "Dick?" he asked questioningly.

"Short for Richard, of course," smirked the man as he waved the other to his couch.

Sitting down, Teddy glanced around the room. It was much cleaner than the exterior and there were quite a few more comforts and noteworthy items than the outside represented. Yes, Mr Grayson - Dick was certainly a clever one. A discarded jacket lay on the coffee table and it appeared the man was a law enforcement officer. Well that certainly explained his move to the crime-riddled Blüdhaven. "Oh. Do you usually invite strangers into your house, Mr Gr, er, Dick?" It felt weird to call someone that without meaning it as an insult.

Dick smirked once again. "Usually the people you don't want in your house, don't knock on your front door." He gave a cheerful laugh that somehow made Teddy feel a little lighter. It wasn't often that the man heard laughter that wasn't of the canned variety on one of those horrid late night comedy road show thingies.

"Fair enough. I am truly sorry for disturbing you." Teddy looked at the board in his hands. He hadn't considered that his timing might not be appropriate. For a self-proclaimed genius, he should have done a little bit more research before dropping by and ought to have phoned ahead. Teddy looked back at the police officer and saw his host's cheeks emit a light pink blush as he realised he was practically naked.

"Er, I'll be back in just a moment," said Dick who sped to his bedroom and donned a robe. He returned with a slightly sheepish look.

Teddy tactfully pretended not to notice it as he rose to his feet clutching the board. "Well Dick, I'm the editor of Mr Z's Variety Puzzles and it is my sincere pleasure to award you this prize of one thousand dollars!" Teddy flashed the slightly stunned Dick a winning smile and flipped the board around to show him that it clearly wasn't a prank.

Blinking his surprise away, Dick's face broke out into a smile. "Er, thanks Teddy but I really don't need the money. I'm the son of Bruce Wayne. You keep it to help fund your amazing puzzle books." The dazzling smile was obviously the man's way of getting exactly what he wanted and he'd probably perfected it at length on his adoptive father. It would certainly not be the downfall of Theodore Zerr no matter how shiny his teeth were.

Teddy flashed him a small smile in return. "As I'm sure you know being a police officer and all Dick, I'm bound by law to give you this prize and I have no want to become a criminal. Of course, what you choose to do with the money is your choice. If you want to donate it or something, feel free." He couldn't help but notice that his smile had ended up as a smirk sometime during his argument. Oh well.

With a playful roll of his eyes, Dick moved to Teddy, shook his hand and accepted the cellophane wrapped gift with the good grace of a well-trained son of a billionaire. "At the very least, allow me to shout you a lunch to show my appreciation."

Teddy nodded to show his assent as the officer made a hasty exit to dress in actual clothing. As he did so, the crossword compiler had a more thorough look around the room from his vantage point on the couch. The walls were a pale green colour and the room was immaculate. Perhaps he was as obsessive compulsive as himself. There were many beautiful paintings, vases and sculptures around the room but only the cheaper ones were in sightlines from the windows. Very clever.

In the centre of one of the walls was a large portrait of three circus performers next to a poster advertising the Flying Graysons. Dick looked similar to the man in the portrait who was clearly his deceased father. Same hair, ice blue eyes, nose and ears but the cheeks and smile were clearly his mother's. From his startlingly excellent physique, it appeared the man had kept up with his early training in some form or other.

What Teddy also noticed was a distinct lack of memorabilia of his adopted father Bruce Wayne. In fact, there appeared to be no photographs of him at all which probably indicated the pair parted on poor terms. How very interesting.

Teddy was pulled from his musings by Dick's reappearance. Somehow the deep blue polo shirt and jeans made the officer look even more handsome than he did before in his ruffled pyjamas and that shouldn't have been possible, yet it was. The colour made his eyes almost luminescent. He hoped his internal swooning would remain that way and the blush he could feel just under the surface stayed buried. He hadn't even looked at someone in years and he found the whole situation a little disconcerting.

"Ready to go?" the officer asked politely.

Teddy blinked. "You mean now?"

Dick laughed delightedly. When he gathered himself he answered, "Well, you are going to eat lunch today, aren't you? Also I don't even know where you live or anything so, yeah. Now."

"S-sure." Teddy said as he was escorted out the door. "Er, why don't we take separate cars, that way neither of us are inconvenienced when the lunch concludes."

The officer shrugged and strolled to his car as the editor did the same. Dick pulled out of his driveway and pulled up next to Teddy. He unwound his window and when Teddy had done the same, he yelled, "Follow me, I know an excellent place for lunch," over the roar of two engines. Without waiting for a response, the man drove down the street and Teddy hastened to shadow him, not wanting to get left behind. He fumbled to get the window back up again with his old sedan but eventually managed it and trailed the cop to the central mall of Blüdhaven.

Teddy managed to score a car park a mere three spaces away from Dick who was already leaning against the side of his locked car, looking for all intents and purposes like a model which Teddy found to be both a little daunting and more than unfair. As the man was looking at him, he didn't try to fix his hair in his rear vision mirror like he would have preferred and stepped out of the car. He clamped down on the butterflies in his stomach while reminding himself that no, this was not a date, just a casual lunch with a nice man with a very pretty brain. Although the packaging was also very appealing too.

Dick smirked as he led Teddy to the nearby restaurant and the latter nearly had a coronary. He'd rarely eaten in public since he donned the Riddler costume for fear of being recognised and before that he'd never eaten somewhere this fancy before. In fact, it was rather surprising that there was such a nice quality restaurant in Blüdhaven in the first place. It must get robbed frequently. Hopefully that wouldn't happen while the pair were dining there this afternoon. It would be awful for some long-forgotten cretin to recognise him and ruin his new life.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Two<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**31 Across - Floral vessels (5 letters)**_

_**7 Down - Discharge (4 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	3. Dining at the Villa Florentine

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Three - Dining at the Villa Florentine_

The Villa Florentine was an Italian restaurant which apparently served traditional cuisine. Teddy looked around in awe at the beautiful white washed walls with what appeared to be authentic frescos painted on them. Dick noticed his attention and while they stood at the 'please wait to be seated' area, he informed him that at the beginning of each season, a man called Marco Fibonacci would spend about a month hand painting a new scene over the previous one. It was a clever gimmick, it would inspire customers to come back to see it completed and then anticipate the next one.

Dick pointed out the winter scene of a cathedral coated in a layer of snow. "That'll be the next one to go," he sighed. "It's my favourite. I'll miss it when it goes."

Teddy placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. "You never know, perhaps the next one will be even better."

Pursing his lips, Dick cautiously agreed although it was clear to Teddy that he sincerely doubted it would match up to the current vista.

A perky brunette woman appeared with a smile and a couple of menus. She smirked at Dick who glanced away with a small grin of his own and it wasn't until they moved away that Teddy realised he'd left his hand on that shoulder way too long. Apparently all the smarts in the world couldn't make him subtle. Thankfully the heat he felt rising from his cheeks went unobserved by the pair.

Teresa, which her name tag proudly declared, took their drink orders and left them to peruse the menus.

Dick cleared his throat and the other man looked up to meet his gaze. "Now, Teddy, you know my situation. Don't order something cheap because you feel obligated or anything. Get whatever you like."

Frowning at the implication, Teddy said, "I'm perfectly aware of all that and although I may not be as well off as you, I do live very comfortably and have no issues ordering whatever the hell I want."

The police officer's smile widened and he sipped the wine that Teresa bought to the table.

"Are you ready to order?" the Italian woman inquired politely.

Due to his decent upbringing, Dick cocked his head at Teddy in inquiry. The latter rolled his eyes in response before selecting the fettuccini carbonara with a side of bruschetta. Dick just asked for the usual and Teresa snorted.

"I already wrote yours down before, Officer. I think Luigi started grilling it when I mentioned you were here. The other food here is very good, you know. Perhaps one day you should try it," suggested the brunette.

Dick flashed her one of his sparkling smiles and shrugged, "Sorry T, I'm a..."

"Creature of habit, yes, yes, I know," interrupted the woman with a roll of her brown eyes. One of her eyebrows raised in mischief. "Then again, you've always dined alone before so perhaps you're branching out." She sauntered off before Dick could comment and Teddy was graced with another of his delicious blushes.

Deciding to cut the man some slack, Teddy politely ignored the implications that this was a date and that apparently Dick didn't seem to go out often and instead began discussing the latest political intrigue.

It seemed like no time had passed at all before Teresa distributed the meals with another of her grins and Teddy was surprised to note that he found her rather amusing. It wasn't often that random citizens failed to irk him in some way and he had to wonder to himself if it was due to the fact he was enjoying himself, thus making himself less judgemental or because she seemed to be a pleasant acquaintance of, if not friends with Dick.

Their conversation halted as the both eagerly attacked their lunch with vigour. It wasn't until Teddy had almost inhaled his meal that he remembered he'd hardly eaten anything for breakfast and Dick went without. The pasta was exquisite and the herbs and oils in the bruschetta made him unable to stop until both dishes were cleared. It wasn't until he reached for his serviette that he noticed the other's eyes on him and a slight smirk on his face.

Refusing to blush at his obvious enjoyment of the meal or to stutter out some pathetic form of apology, Teddy gently dabbed his lips and stared evenly back. If he could go a few (well maybe a couple) rounds with the Batman, facing down a billionaire was child's play.

Dick gave a gentle shrug in return, showing that although he had been caught watching, he wasn't bothered about it in the least. This caused Teddy to smile and chortle on the inside.

The pair were broken from their gaze as something silver flashed between them followed by a rather large thump on the table. Teddy jumped in surprise and looked down at the silver bowl topped with vanilla ice-cream and two spoons. There were various smaller vessels with different toppings in them.

"It's on the house," smirked Teresa and left before either patron could utter a word.

Well, there was no way Teddy was going to leave perfectly satisfactory ice-cream to melt due to mere awkwardness so he selected a topping and poured it over a portion of the dessert. He delved greedily into the sweet without a second thought. His action spurred the police officer to do the same and very soon, both men were enjoying their unexpected treat.

Yes, Teddy had been impressed with the man's mind. They had covered a broad range of topics during their meal and he'd never once felt bored or annoyed. This was practically unheard of. Everyone seemed to get up his nose every once and a while but Dick Grayson hadn't managed to do so, even when he was wearing only underwear in his own home!

For once in his life, Teddy had no idea what to do. He tried not to let it unnerve him but seriously, he ALWAYS had a plan. Ever since he was little he knew he wasn't like everyone else. While his peers at school were reading picture books, he was devouring novels. By the time the others graduated, he'd already been working in a lab for over a year. When he was asked why he wasn't rich if he was so smart, he took action to do so. After his incarceration, he realised he needed to leave that life of crime behind and start a new one. Which left Teddy with the most delicious riddle ever. What now?

Teddy pushed the philosophic question to the back of his mind and realised the majority of the ice-cream was now gone. A few times, he clinked spoons with Dick and deduced that they had probably shared some germs by now but still, ice-cream! If there was one thing the former criminal had a weakness for, it was the sugary sweet and he wasn't above fighting for it.

Although he was loathe to admit it, Teddy became a little more assertive in his pursuit of the last remnants of the dessert. Dick caught his eye with another of the man's seemingly endless smirks and he battled back. It was on. The pair valiantly sparred and were practically giggling like a pair of schoolgirls when a pointed throat clearing brought them back to the present and the men remembered that yes, they were in public and yes, people could actually see them.

A quick glance around them room showed Teddy that they had garnered quite a bit of attention and the person who had cleared their throat appeared to be a middle aged man who was dining with his wife. They were dressed well and the wife was positively dripping in diamonds. They must have been new money because only an imbecile would wear such finery in the middle of Blüdhaven.

Teddy quirked an eyebrow at his dining partner who returned it with a light laugh. "Two days," said Dick with a grin.

"Three hours," Teddy replied, causing them both to collapse into unrestrained giggles.

"Excuse me," came a bored, stuffy voice. "My wife and I are trying to enjoy the atmosphere of this already mediocre establishment." It appeared the man had had enough.

Well so had Teddy. "That's an uninteresting observation, Mr Watson."

The man swelled with pride at being recognised, despite the clear implication that he was an insufferable prick.

"A r-question for you, Mr Watson," Teddy nonchalantly mentioned. He hoped no one noticed his slip. He couldn't believe he almost said riddle. That would have been spectacularly stupid. "Is your motor vehicle insurance up to date?"

The balding man looked inquiringly at Teddy. "Er, yes. Of course it is."

"Well I hope the police station isn't too far a walk for you because I believe you parked your Silver Aston Martin across the road, didn't you?" Teddy pointed to the now vacant parking space and the man rose from his seat with a yell. The pair quickly left the establishment causing Teddy, Dick and quite a few onlookers to laugh aloud. The expensive car had already been stolen.

Dick paid the bill, leaving a very generous tip for Teresa and the pair left the restaurant. They walked to Dick's car because it was the closer of the two and stood astride it.

They stared at each other for a moment before Dick broke the silence. "Thank you Teddy for your company this afternoon. You're something else."

"A good something else, I hope," the other said.

"Yeah," he agreed. He placed a warm hand on Teddy's bicep and the latter could feel the palpitations of his heart speeding rapidly out of control.

"Well, good afternoon to you," Teddy filled the sudden silence and sent the officer a smile. Without waiting for a response, he turned and made his way to his vehicle. With one last lingering glance at the still standing Dick, Teddy smiled before he began his drive back to Gotham.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Three<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**6 Across - Domicile (4 letters)**_

_**23 Down - Upset (7 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	4. A Crock of Black Clocks

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Four - A Crock of Black Clocks_

Teddy tried to stop himself from thinking of Dick after the whole not-really-a-date-but-could-have-been-thingy but found himself unable to. In fact, the brunet man was in his thoughts almost constantly. The intelligence was intoxicating, his ice blue eyes mesmerising and his white teeth dazzling. It was a pretty picture and definitely worth much more than a mere thousand words.

At first the constant thoughts of the officer was a curse. Teddy lost many hours of sleep and spent several others satisfying his lusty desires himself. When he wasn't trying to nod off and willing his almost continuous erection down, he often found himself wondering what Dick would think about this or whether he would approve of that. It was actually quite distressing for the former villain. He'd never been driven to such distraction by a mere person before. Especially not a male one with the obvious exception of Batman.

Of course, the whole attraction to men thing wasn't even a blip on Teddy's radar. He knew that statistically about one in thirteen had some kind of attraction be it weak or strong to the same sex and he really couldn't give a damn if he fell into that minority. Please, it's the twenty-first century for crying out loud and if people were to take exception, well they could mind their own damn business.

About two weeks after the maybe-date, Teddy received a subscription notice for two years from Richard Grayson. What did cause him to almost fall over in shock was that instead of the two hundred and ten dollar fee, he had sent a cheque for two thousand one hundred dollars. It could have seemed like an oversight but both Teddy and Dick knew better. That sneaky bastard!

Teddy certainly didn't stare longingly at the signature at all, on several occasions. Okay, so that was a complete lie. He did. He'd wasted hours reading and rereading the loopy cursive. It was quite pathetic, truth be told. After catching himself staring at the cheque for the thirtieth time in about four minutes, he decided enough was enough and forced himself to flip it over, face down.

It was at that moment that Teddy got another surprise. How he had missed in his many hours of examination that there was a message on the flip side was inexcusable.

**Hello Teddy. I enjoyed your company last week. If I can crack your next Teaser, perhaps we could dine out again. Of course, I certainly hope this next one will be more of a challenge. The last one was a little too easy. Cheers, Dick.**

That bloody mother fucking bastard! Surely he knew that Teddy's crossword puzzle was pure genius. The words pissed him off so much that he just wanted to grab the man and smack him on the ass. Repeatedly. Unbidden, imagery of the event crossed his mind and the surge of lust almost outweighed his ire. Almost.

Well. If Dick had thrown down the gauntlet, Teddy would just have to deliver. It was a true challenge and spurred him on to much greater heights. He had only three days to edit the Terrible Tease before the issue went to print since the one he'd already completed was not good enough. No this one needed more pizazz. It had to be brutal. He had to apply himself to make sure he could not only maintain his high standards but to surpass them. He wanted, no, needed to outwit the man. For the first time since his apparent death, Teddy felt the fluttering in his stomach he used to get when he was inventing a diabolical challenge for the Dark Knight. It was nice to feel that way once more. Especially since he didn't have to threaten Gotham City to do so.

Teddy wasted two days deciding what to do when a stroke of brilliance practically smacked him in the face with a wet fish. Perhaps it was a little dangerous but he couldn't resist. He rarely did them (because they sort of pissed him off) but he made a themed crossword. Ordinarily that wouldn't warrant concern but the genre he chose was the villains of Gotham. He obviously left himself out hoping that Dick, er, the subscribers wouldn't notice the omission. It was all part of his master plan to trick him.

Teddy managed to fit the beginning words easily and was soon left with the remaining five. He placed **poison** downwards (clearly taken from Poison Ivy) with **Lewis** sharing the I since the Mad Hatter character was a creation of Lewis Carroll. That L was attached to a painful symptom of Catwoman - **whiplash**. Which allowed the I of whiplash and the P of poison to fit Mr Freeze's favoured weapon, his **ice pick**.

This left Teddy with one word to go toward the centre of the grid. It was five letters long with the fourth being a C. He had a few choices. He could use **Black** Mask, **Clock** King or the homophone **Crock** of Killer Croc. Instead, he elected to use an unrelated word. That way he could hopefully trick the savvy puzzlers into trying one of the other options that fit instead of the one that was actually correct. All he had to do was imply a grandfather clock with the red herrings and hopefully he could get away with his little deception. The correct answer turned out to be **Trick**.

If that wasn't enough to fool the police officer, Teddy would eat his own cooking (which always turned out to be a disaster of epic proportions) while break dancing on a tightrope. Satisfied that he would definitely succeed in deceiving the man, he sent the final proof of the edition to the printers.

The problem was now that he had finished, he had little left to do.

The puzzle extraordinaire kept himself busy around the house, cleaning and washing it until it shined. Not that he was contemplating any upstanding law enforcement officers to stop by for a bagel or anything. But if someone did indeed stop by, well it wouldn't be embarrassing for him. He spring cleaned fastidiously for several days and was surprised at how much he had let the place go in his previous apathy. It was quite disgusting, truth be told.

It was only after he'd made the place sparkle that Teddy also remembered to update his website. Considering his complex electronic devices he used on the Batman, he was woefully pathetic at updating his website. He smiled gleefully as he posted (to a rather disgruntled clientele) that someone had actually managed to crack what most of them considered to be unsolvable. The editor didn't mention the man by his true name since he figured the officer already garnered enough attention as it was, so he changed it Richard Johnson. It was a brilliant idea and now whenever he thought of Dick in his head, he called him Dick Squared.

Teddy also painstakingly spent hours creating the most garish obituary he'd ever seen, let alone written.

**It is with great condolences that Mr Z's Variety Puzzles announces the death of Ms Sylvia Moore's monthly bottles of wine and flowers. Having topped the charts for thirty-seven months in succession, Ms Moore's bottles of wine and flowers were decimated by Dick Squared (Mr Richard Johnson) in a display of linguistic prowess. In conclusion, it could be said that if she was going to be taken down, being done in by two dicks is certainly a fantastic way to go.**

Was it particularly professional? No. Not at all. It was part of the reason why Teddy's subscribers liked him so much. His earthier comments and quips on the site always rated better than the blander notes.

Teddy wasn't a complete asshole. He still intended to send Sylvia the monthly wine and roses, as she was one of his most dedicated readers but the others didn't need to know that. It would cause an uproar and they might think they were being treated unfairly. Not that he would have had a problem with that, he used to deliver death threats on a weekly basis for heaven's sake.

Since he was so ahead of the game, Teddy started the following edition's puzzles. When he'd completed all but the Teaser, he decided that he should probably not spend all of his time getting further and further ahead. He'd get even more bored otherwise. Instead, the ex-villain went out and about Gotham for the first time since his faked death.

The puzzle compiler visited the zoo, the pool, the botanical gardens and even the casino. He managed to get roped into a high stakes game of poker which he tactfully lost when he realised the players were associates of the Penguin. There was no way he was going to draw attention to himself like that when the world considered him dead. Especially if he wanted to attract the attention of a certain blue eyed Blüdhaven cop.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Four<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**26 Across - Anger (3 letters)**_

_**13 Down - Glacial chipping tool (2 words - 3 & 4 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	5. Trick and Treat

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Five - Trick and Treat_

Teddy meticulously checked the return address of each letter he received for the Teaser competition, only to be left disappointed. There were only two days remaining before the closing date of the prize draw and the closest anyone else came was a man called Bryant von Senden with a measly twenty-six percent. Pathetic. Where was Dick's entry?

Of course, the law officer might have been too busy to complete Teddy's puzzles or perhaps it was too difficult and the man was now embarrassed. Perhaps he should have made them easier?

Teddy found it difficult to fall asleep that night, worried that he was looking too much into everything but being unable to help doing so. It had been ever so long since he'd made any sort of connection with another human being and this was one he definitely wanted to continue. If he hadn't scared the man away, of course.

There were quite a few drawbacks Teddy could fathom as he lay in his bed. One. He was clearly at least a decade older than the young officer. Two. He was hard to connect with since he gave others barely a chance before writing them off as stupid, like that idiot man and wife in the restaurant. Three. He might be seen as a gold digger. It's not Dick's fault that he doesn't know that Teddy couldn't give a flying golf cart about something as tawdry as money. Four. He wasn't the most athletic of men and certainly was nowhere near as ripped as the cop. In fact he was pathetically far from it. He mightn't like his slim but untoned physique. The list was starting to get a little out of control and started depressing him out. He mercifully fell asleep somewhere around number twenty-four.

The next morning dawned bright and Teddy couldn't help himself from jumping out of bed, running outside, grabbing his mail and dumping it on his dining table. He belatedly realised he'd just shown any nearby Gothamites his Batman boxers and couldn't stop a blush from spreading across his face, even though no one was there to see it.

Teddy sorted the mail and squealed with glee when he found the letter he was looking for. It was here! Finally! He carefully set it aside and glanced through the others which were particularly pathetic. Filing the bills in a neat pile to the side, he finally ripped open the letter he'd been waiting for.

As expected, all of the across words checked out. It was the downs he was more interested in. There it sat, near the middle of the puzzle. **Trick**. He felt a swell of disappointment that he'd been unable to fool the man and elated that he would indeed see him again. Upon closer examination, he did note that the cells had been erased over a couple of times. At least he had caused the man some consternation!

Teddy scarfed another light breakfast (since he was too excited to feel particularly hungry) and tried to get dressed. He donned his dark blue jeans with socks and sneakers but selecting a shirt was proving difficult. His first choice was a mustard t-shirt but it made him look icteric. He then tried a black tee but instead of yellowing his skin, this one made him appear pasty. After much internal debate, he settled on a nice light blue and white striped polo.

As soon as he finished the rest of his daily hygiene care, the excited puzzle compiler was jauntily on his way to the bank. He withdrew the thousand but left it as a small wad of notes instead of the garish display of last time. Hopefully his gesture would be appreciated.

Teddy whistled tunelessly to himself as he made his way back to his car and plugged the officer's address back into the GPS. It certainly wasn't stalkerish of him to have memorised it after one meeting, was it?

The drive to Blüdhaven wasn't quite as nice as last time since it was raining rather heavily. Teddy was also unimpressed with how much slower the traffic was going due to the bad weather conditions. Since there was nothing much else to do, he considered various eating options in Gotham. It was his turn to treat Dick as far as he was concerned, which also gave him the benefit of selecting the venue.

The Royal Hotel was too pretentious. As the adopted son of a billionaire, Dick would have probably been there way too many times. Clubs may be a better option but Finnegan's was obviously full of crooks. The same could be said of the Stacked Deck, much too seedy. In fact, most (if not all) of them were clubhouses of various criminal organisations. In the end, the puzzle compiler decided on a respectable café in Park Row.

About five minutes later, Teddy found himself knocking on the door of Dick's home. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and he even felt a slight trace of nausea. How could a man he'd only met once have such a dramatic effect on him?

The door opened almost immediately to Dick with his dazzling smile. He was dressed in a casual vintage tee of Spider-Man and a pair of worn denim shorts.

"I saw you pull up," said the cop unnecessarily.

Teddy had already surmised as much. "Fair enough, Dick."

The pair stared intently at each other for quite a while. Teddy raised his eyebrow at the man. "OH!" he stated in surprise. "Did, er, did you want to, uh, come in?"

Teddy snorted with amusement as he brushed past the man in the doorway. Just that one casual touch caused a pleasant jolt of energy down his entire arm. "Some adopted son of a billionaire you are, no manners at all," he teased. It was his namesake after all.

Dick rolled his eyes with a smile and gestured at his couch. The other obligingly seated himself and the police officer sat next to him, knees gently touching. Neither man moved away. There was another silence, this one fell just short of uncomfortable but it was a close call.

In the end it was Dick who broke the silence. "So, I take it from the lack of a board, that I got twenty-six down wrong and you've come here to gloat?" he asked in a deadpan tone.

Teddy snorted inelegantly. "Quite the opposite in fact," he said as he held out the small stack of notes.

Dick collected his winnings with a raised eyebrow. "Was I not worth decorating the money for this time?"

Raising an eyebrow in return, Teddy shrugged. "I had a feeling that you wouldn't want an advertisement to the local populace of your wealth. Especially since you've taken the time and energy to place your more expensive decorations out of the sightlines of the windows. If you like I could always drop the notes into a can of paint or something."

Laughing, Dick just shook his head and tucked the wad of money carefully into a hidden drawer within his coffee table. "Maybe next time, Teddy."

Teddy felt a flutter at the thought of seeing Dick again, even though he was already in his presence. It was then that he recognised the bright orange sign sitting under one of the windows. "You still have that?" he asked somewhat mortified. The congratulatory sign he'd given the man last time sat with the money still pinned to it.

"Yep," said Dick. He smirked and pointed to a corner where some of the notes had been removed. "I've been using it to tip the pizza delivery guy with. It's way easier to grab a couple of notes from there than go scrounging through my wallet."

"That makes sense," agreed Teddy, "but then you'll be stuck with that thing leaning against your wall for a long time."

Dick shrugged, unconcerned. "Trick huh? It definitely was a tricky one."

Without realising it, Teddy slumped a little. "Yeah, I suppose."

Dick placed a warm hand on Teddy's shoulder. "Just admit it. If I had gotten it wrong, you would have been disappointed in me."

It was hard for the puzzle compiler to concentrate with the added heat on his shoulder but he considered the cop's point. Originally he wanted to trick the man to show his superiority. If he had succeeded, he would have felt elated but it was also true. He would have been at the very least moderately upset that the other man wasn't clever enough for him. In a way, it was a trap.

Teddy's mind clicked. He'd done the exact same thing with Batman. He spent years trying to get one over him, without success. If he had managed to kill him, it would have been devastating. Thank goodness he'd never achieved his goal. There was a good chance it might have plunged him into insanity.

"I, er, you're right. I'd never really thought of it like that. I just wanted to prove I was smarter. I'm such an idiot!" Teddy was starting to work himself up into a bit of a state. Dick's hand slid down his arm to rest on his forearm. The man gave him a comfortable squeeze and the sensation brought his mind back to the present. He blinked a couple of times and said to the cop, "Sorry, I just lost my mind a bit. Well, you have your winnings but I was wondering if you might like to join me for lunch. It's my turn to treat you."

A broad grin and a, "Sounds great," confirmed the appointment.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Five<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**13 Across - Jaundice (7 letters)**_

_**10 Down - Imbecile (5 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	6. Robin a Jewellery Store

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Six - Robin a Jewellery Store_

Since the café Teddy had decided upon was indeed in Gotham, Dick had consented to being driven there and was placidly sitting in his passenger seat. At first, being trapped in the car together was a little discomforting but Dick started talking about random things and Teddy found himself easily drawn into the conversation. The time passed rather quickly. It seemed like only a few minutes had elapsed (when in reality it was so much longer than that) before they were pulling up in front of the NJ Café.

The NJ Café was one of Teddy's favourite places to eat out. It was generally spared from the rampant crime rate in Gotham because they had the best steaks in town. Even criminals love a good steak. He'd even heard that the Joker would buy (steal) a couple of rare steaks each week for his two pet hyenas.

"Pulling out all the stops, I see," noted Dick with a smile.

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because there are so many respectable places with decent steak in this town. I also figured you'd eaten at the Iceberg lounge enough times already."

Dick laughed at the sarcasm but shuddered at the mention of the Penguin's semi-respectable lair. Sarcasm was definitely one of the things the two had in common. They quickly found an unoccupied table which happened to have a window view and both perused the menu. Which in itself was quite ridiculous since every single time Teddy had eaten at the establishment, he'd always gotten the same meal. Medium rare steak with chips and no salad. Why ruin a good meal with healthy shit? It had never made sense to him.

The pair were soon attended to by one of the waiters, a blond waif of a man and as soon as he left, they were once again absorbed in their own conversation. Teddy just couldn't work out what he found so captivating about the police officer but something about the ex-acrobat just drew his attention and held it ransom.

The only time the two halted their discussion (which had actually turned to the psychosis of Harley Quinn) was when their respective steaks arrived. Despite the somewhat long wait, it was cooked to perfection and Teddy could definitely have eaten seconds and possibly a third serving. Dick seemed to enjoy his just as much if the appreciative moans he gave were any indication. They all went straight to Teddy's cock, which began to inflate with more than its fair share of interest. Thankfully he had a meal to consume and a table to cover his body's traitorous actions.

Eventually, Dick released an extremely satisfied sigh (which did not help Teddy's situation one bit) and sat back with a large smirk. "That was amazing!" he commented earnestly. "If it wouldn't make me sick, I'd totally go another."

"I know exactly what you mean," agreed Teddy with a grin. He patted his distended stomach to emphasise his point and tried not to preen at Dick's answering laugh. Since when had he turned into such a sap? Well, that was probably when he saw Dick's chiselled abs for the first time.

They let their heavy lunches settle and talked about the architectural differences between Gotham, Blüdhaven and Metropolis. Teddy was all for the somewhat depressing gargoyles of Gotham while Dick was just pleased that no one was stupid enough to gild a Blüdhaven building because it would only take a matter of hours before the gold would be stripped by some sort of criminal. Teddy privately agreed even though he'd never have conceived of such a passé crime himself, he'd leave that for the less intelligent crooks like Killer Croc.

Eventually the blond waiter came back and Teddy gestured for the man to come closer. He whispered some instructions into the man's ear and the young guy nodded with a small smile before leaving the table.

"What was all that about?" asked Dick with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, like he knew whatever it was would be some sort of good thing.

Teddy hoped he would agree when it arrived. "Oh, nothing much really," he said airily with a vague hand gesture.

"Sure," snorted Dick sarcastically, although his dimples still studded his toothpaste white smile.

A few minutes later, the blond (Eric, according to his nametag) returned with a large bowl of ice-cream. He gently placed it in the middle of the table between two men and added two spoons, one near each guy. "Enjoy," he smiled and left to wait on the table next to theirs.

They virtually inhaled the sugary treat, barely tasting it and once again fought over the dregs. Teddy just loved how they would put every ounce of concentration into acquiring that final bite. Unfortunately, Dick was the one who got the last scoop and Teddy didn't even feel badly about it since the ex-acrobat flashed him the most adorable smile. Thankfully he caught himself before sighing aloud. Now that would have been embarrassing.

The look the two were sharing was shattered by the sounds of an alarm. They looked out the window and saw the jewellery store on the opposite side of the street being burgled. Dick fiddled with his watch and said, "So who do you think's robbing it?"

Teddy thought to himself for a moment before deciding, "Probably the Clock King. I vaguely remember there being some sort of semi-famous wristwatch being on display there a couple of weeks ago."

"I'm glad I'm not on duty. I'd hate to get called out of lunch with you for a petty crime at Tiffany's. Seriously, I'm surprised there's a branch in Gotham in the first place with the rampant crime rate and all." Dick's hand stilled after he'd slowly reached it across the table.

Teddy understood the unasked question immediately and replied by lacing his fingers with Dick's. It was ridiculous how loud his heart was beating in his chest. He felt the familiar warmth that accompanied a blush on his cheeks and was so very pleased that none of his old acquaintances would ever know about how far he had sunk. Falling for a cop of all things. How entirely ridiculous.

A couple of rounds of gunfire brought the pair's attention back the robbery across the street. "You were right," said Dick in surprise. "It is the Clock King."

Teddy just smiled. He felt the hand in his twinge. "Don't."

Dick's forehead furrowed. "Don't what?" he asked in confusion.

"You're thinking about whether you should be a good little cop and try to confront the Clock King and his underlings. Don't. Batman or one of his lackeys will be here soon," said Teddy with absolute certainty.

"Lackeys?" asked Dick in surprise.

Teddy mentally berated himself. What a stupid slip. Dick's presence was clearly affecting his brain. He'd have to come up some pretty convincing bullshit to get out of this one. "Well, can you honestly say the Batman would ever consider someone else his equal? The first robin clearly had enough of the Bat since he left the clan as soon as he came of age."

"First Robin? You mean there's been more than one?" asked Dick with confusion.

"Please," said Teddy with a slight amount of disdain. "You can't honestly believe that Robin has been a child for almost seventeen years. It's not biologically possible."

"Huh, I'd never really thought about it before," Dick noted quietly before biting his lip in thought.

A shadow passed by the window and the boy in question landed gracefully on the street before he leapt up onto the ledge above the jewellery store's entrance.

"You're right," conceded Dick as he critically examined the figure when silently crept into the shop, "he's got to be what, sixteen? That would have made him about, er, in the womb when the other Robin started fighting crime."

Teddy chuckled at the statement partly with relief. He managed to get out of a potentially sticky situation. They watched as two police cars pulled up and dragged three bound bodies into their backseats. Obviously Robin had prevailed.

Eric returned back to their table to collect the empty bowl and to give Teddy the bill. "So Dick, what do you think? He's been pretty good to us."

Dick raised an eyebrow and glanced at the blond, who immediately pasted an incredibly adorable grin on his face. "Eighteen?"

"Hmmm, I was thinking fifteen," noted Teddy and took great delight in the guy's disappointment, even though he was trying not to show it.

"Fine, how about we split the difference then?" suggested the police officer.

"Sixteen and a half? Alright then." Teddy took the bill from Eric and grabbed the pen he always kept in his breast pocket. With minimal working out he deduced the tip and factored it into the overall total. He handed the exact total over to Eric's complete bemusement with a wide smile. "Don't spend it all at once, young man." He turned his attention back to Dick. "Shall we?"

"Yes. Let's," he agreed.

The pair left the establishment with unrestrained chuckles when they saw Eric with his phone out, no doubt checking the sixteen and a half percent tip. Thankfully, the police cars had just left the vicinity and the two men hopped into Teddy's car for the return trip to Blüdhaven.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Six<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**18 Across - Sampling (food) (7 letters)**_

_**8 Down - Jumped up (5 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	7. Pit Stop

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Seven - Pit Stop_

The first half of the drive back to Blüdhaven was full of mindless chatter as Teddy spent most of his concentration trying not to crash his car in the heavy rain. Sure, he knew the small stretch of land between Blüdhaven and Gotham wasn't particularly idyllic at the best of times but this was ridiculous. Why hadn't he noticed that the light rain from earlier had gotten so much worse? Visibility was almost zero and he mentally chastised himself for not just inviting Dick back to his somewhat respectably clean apartment. He bit his lower lip as he focussed every ounce of his attention on the road, casual conversation be damned.

"Hey," said Dick suddenly, startling Teddy so much that he nearly swerved them off the road. "Oh sorry, Teddy," he apologised, "but up ahead there's a turnoff to a nearby parking garage. Can you turn down it for me?"

"Sure," noted Teddy absently and he almost sighed with relief when he exited the freeway. That had been quite terrifying, truth be told. He also had a strong feeling that killing Dick, no matter how accidentally, would be worse karma than all of his previous crimes combined.

The parking structure was huge so Teddy drove them up to the second level. The absence of the torrential rain was a great relief and when he applied the handbrake with great flourish, he couldn't help but flash a thankful smile Dick's way.

Dick didn't respond in any way to the sudden stop or the smile, he was too busy staring intently at Teddy's face.

Teddy frowned. "What?" he asked.

Dick unbuckled his seatbelt and lunged needily toward the ex-criminal which is how Teddy found himself with a mouthful of the most amazing lips he'd ever tasted. It wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination which made it that little bit better. Their teeth collided on more than one occasion and the small stabs of pain just added the smallest jolts of electricity to their lip lock. "Mph," moaned one of them as their tongues started fighting for dominance.

As they continued mercilessly attacking each other's mouths, Teddy blindly groped beside his chair for the lever that would lower his backrest. He moaned in approval when he managed to activate it and the seat went from vertical to horizontal. The only downside was the instant where his lips were forcibly wrenched from Dick's. That was so not on but he grabbed the man's vintage tee and hungrily tugged him down, reuniting their mouths once again.

Dick used this new leverage to his advantage and took great delight in pushing himself down into Teddy. They both moaned in appreciation at the contact and extended pressure on their excited cocks.

Teddy worked his mouth down from Dick's luscious lips to the base of his neck. He relished in the keening noises the police officer kept making and almost came in his pants when he heard a barely audible, "Fuck, Ted. You feel so fucking good."

Now Teddy wasn't exactly a virgin or anything but his few experiences paled in comparison to the absolute amazing specimen of man panting the most goddam hot things in his ear. "I want you so much, babe, you have no idea how much I need you right now."

There must have been some kind of gravitational pull between their lips because no matter how much Teddy wanted to mark the flawless skin in front of him, they always strayed back.

Dick made another one of his almost criminal moans, the kind that would cause even the most devout nun to wantonly throw her panties at him, as he pulled back and slipped his now somewhat abused Spider-Man shirt over his head. Teddy would have been extremely embarrassed by the loud gasp disappointment he gave at the loss of those now debauched lips but that would have required him to have any brain cells left that weren't completely clouded with overwhelming lust.

Running his hands up and down Teddy's chest, Dick's hands slid underneath his shirt and it felt so fucking amazing. Soon his blue and white striped polo joined Spidey somewhere as it was carelessly thrown aside. The skin on skin contact between their torsos caused them both to cry out.

Teddy slid his hands restlessly over Dick's naked back, digging his fingertips in with gusto, causing the man to groan in pleasure. "Fuck you feel so amazing," gasped Teddy as Dick's mouth started to nip playfully at his neck. The answering grunt of agreement went straight to his already throbbing cock.

As if they had choreographed it beforehand, their bodies began to move against each other with delicious friction. Teddy relished in the feel of Dick's chiselled abs rutting against his not quite so defined ones, for once not caring that he looked much less attractive than the other. Clearly Dick found something worthwhile in his appearance and as the younger man continued to writhe on top of him, he really couldn't give a flying fuck.

Teddy claimed Dick's lips once more as they increased their rutting. The moans and groans growing louder and more frequent than they were before. He slid his hands up from the police officer's back and into his long hair. He couldn't help but grip the ebony tresses firmly and gently pull on them.

The gasp and following whimper Dick gave in response was singlehandedly the absolute hottest thing Teddy had heard in his entire life. "Dick," he moaned, his body crying out for release but at the same time dreading it, not wanting the best moment of his existence to come to an end.

"Do it again," Dick breathily ordered, "harder." Their punishing pace was building to a fever pitch and Teddy didn't think he could last much longer.

The ex-criminal twisted his wrists in Dick's hair to get a better grip a tugged sharply, entranced as the cop's body flexed back with the pull, tensed and let out an almost inhuman whine as he came. Teddy wasn't sure if it was the succulent show of muscles, the pornographic soundtrack of high pitched moans or just the fact that Dick fucking Grayson had just ridden him to climax that caused him to immediately follow but it was hands down, the absolute best orgasm of his life.

As if he were a marionette whose strings had just been cut, Dick collapsed heavily on Teddy. He turned his head to the side and sighed with immense satisfaction as he looked lazily into the other's eyes. "Fuck, Ted. That was..." he said breathily before trailing off.

Teddy smiled at the younger man. "Yeah, it really was." His right hand twitched, reminding him that he was still clutching Dick's hair like it was liable to make a mad dash from Arkham and he loosened his hold. He extracted it but instead of dropping it onto his chest like he'd planned, he ended up brushing the curtain of hair dangling in Dick's perfect face behind his ear and gently cupping his cheek.

Dick leaned into the touch as he stared into the depths of Teddy's eyes with a small smile. "How are you real?" he asked softly, as if he didn't really want to break whatever spell they both appeared to be under.

A crooked smile slid onto the ex-criminal's face. "I don't know and I don't really care because I'm much more worried that you'll fade away on me, Dick."

"Never," affirmed Dick strongly as he placed his palm on Teddy's chest over his heart.

Somewhere amid the intense staring competition the two were engaged in, they fell into a peaceful slumber.

Teddy drifted back into consciousness only to be re-captivated by ocean blue eyes.

"Hey, beautiful," smiled Dick as he carefully pushed himself up. He transferred himself to the passenger seat, slipped his shirt back on, handed Teddy's to him and then held out his hand for Teddy to link his fingers through. After readjusting his seat to its regular position, Teddy considered his whatever they were at the moment. He looked into those cerulean orbs and slowly leant toward them. Dick met him in the middle and they shared a sweet kiss.

After another unhurried pause Dick said, "So it looks like the rain has slowed."

Teddy smiled, "Really? I suppose we really should be going." He turned the key in the ignition and was incredibly thankful he drove an automatic. That way he could still hold Dick's hand for the majority of the rest of the trip back. Unfortunately, it was all too soon that they pulled up in front of the millionaire's modest house.

"Five-five-five-six-three-seven-two-one-nine-one," said Dick suddenly, catching Teddy off-guard.

"What?" he blurted stupidly.

"Don't make me repeat it, Ted. I know you've already memorised it, you smart, sexy man," Dick smirked.

It was true, he had.

"You'd better call me, Theodore Zerr, or I'll be forced to arrest you."

Teddy smiled. "For what exactly?" he asked playfully.

Dick's smirk widened. "For making an officer of the law cum in his pants. I've never done that before and I certainly hope we can do it again. Preferably soon."

Laughing, Teddy assured Dick that he would, scored one last kiss through the window and eventually pulled away, beginning the long drive back to his apartment.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Seven<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**19 Across - Picturesque (7 letters)**_

_**20 Down - Even (5 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	8. A Platinum Zebra

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Eight - A Platinum Zebra_

Teddy and Dick spent an inordinate amount of time texting and calling each other over the next few weeks. In fact, the policeman was one of only five saved contacts in Teddy's phone and the first that he'd actually texted. So he didn't really have any friends but he doubted any former super criminal would. Anonymity was hard to maintain with a conglomerate of other prying individuals.

What really should have been criminal was the purr of Dick's voice and his extensive vocabulary. Words and wit are what Teddy found the most attractive about Dick in the first place and the orgasms he'd achieved just from listening to that sensual voice were still better than pretty much every other sexual experience from his past.

The strange thing about this change in Teddy's life was how much it wasn't unusual. He was used to a solitary existence and had always thought that he wouldn't be able to handle sharing a large portion of his time with one mere individual. He supposed it was working out because Dick was anything but meagre. The hours of conversation between the pair would fly by in a flash and whenever he wasn't talking to or texting the man, he spent the rest of his time thinking about him.

In fact, Teddy found the most challenging part of his daily routine was not thinking about Dick. Luckily he was ahead in his latest issue and only had to add the Clip Art pictures or he'd be hard pressed to complete it on time. Especially since his concentration was pretty much shot nowadays.

Teddy spent at least an hour going through his entire wardrobe before deciding that he owned sweet stuff all. Why didn't he own anything nice for dates? Oh that's right, he's never really dated anyone before. No one had ever captured his attention and held it enough to warrant a date. Today, that would now change. They'd made it official and tonight was their first planned date together.

The crossword compiler made a mad dash to the local department stores and tore through them like a man possessed. At first, he simply couldn't find anything he considered good enough but eventually found an extremely nice lilac shirt and dark grey slacks.

Teddy considered purchasing some kind of bouquet of flowers for Dick but decided not to. That would probably be too much. Instead he settled on a single red rose with a small gold ribbon. That was much better. It was classy.

The pair had decided the night before (after a particularly phenomenal round of phone sex) that they would make a reservation and meet at _Sylvia's_, a rather prestigious restaurant in the heart of Gotham. Usually Teddy wouldn't be caught dead in such a place since it was the kind of locale the rich and famous tended to frequent for exquisite dining and table service but for once, the editor wanted to showcase the absolute stud of a man that he was officially dating.

_Sylvia's_ took up the top five floors of one of the highest skyscrapers in town, with their renowned restaurant on the top floor. It was adorned with a beautiful glass gazebo which would regularly save the wealthy clientele from Gotham's frequent unfavourable weather. The outdoor gardens were well manicured and added a little much-needed nature into the urban setting.

Teddy was shown to his seat by one of the wait staff and he gracefully sat, clutching the rose tightly in his fingers. He couldn't help the feeling of dread that this whole experience was some sort of elaborate hoax to make a fool out of him but in his heart he knew Dick would never do that to anyone. Just as he managed to calm his rapidly beating heart, he heard a soft cough from behind him.

The breath caught in Teddy's chest as he turned and saw Dick. The man clearly knew how to dress well since he had been the first ward of Bruce Wayne. He was garbed in a tight-fitting light blue shirt which brightened his already magnificently ice-coloured eyes. The black slacks fit tightly on his slim hips and matched his ebony tresses, which must have been pulled back since his face was fully visible for a change.

Teddy assumed he'd smiled at his date since he was graced with a dazzling one in return. Dick moved toward him, leant over and pecked him gently on the lips. The crossword compiler was in such a daze that he missed whatever the other said and wordlessly thrust the rose in his direction. Dick's eyes widened and an adorable blush darkened his cheeks.

"Ted. I, I ah, thank you. I've never had anyone do this for me before," the millionaire stuttered out as he stared intently at the flower with a look full of wonder, excitement and astonishment all rolled into one.

Teddy flashed him what he hoped was a winning smile. "No problem, Dick. I was going to buy an elaborate bouquet of snapdragons, gerberas and chrysanthemums to decorate our table with but I thought it might collapse under its immense weight."

Dick laughed as he sat opposite him and carefully laid the rose above his place setting. The gentleness of the action caused a pang of warmth to flood Teddy's heart. It was both a relief and a pleasure to see exactly how much the policeman seemed to treasure the gift.

An older woman dressed in a glittery pink number that would look positively ugly on anyone younger but women of her era can somehow still pull off, walked over to their table with a large smile. "Richard, what a pleasant surprise to see you here," she said genuinely to the man in question.

"You too, Aunty Sylvie. You know I can never stay away from here for too long. How's Uncle Henry going?" he politely inquired.

The woman snorted and waved a hand absently. "My husband's fine but never mind him," she replied as her attention turned to Teddy. "Who's this absolutely delicious man you're here with?" Dick turned an interesting shade of red as Teddy started choking on the sip of water he'd unfortunately just taken.

"My apologies. Sylvia, meet Theodore Zerr. He's the brains behind..." but Dick trailed off as the woman squealed and practically threw herself at his date. Teddy was thankful that he'd just put his glass down before receiving a lapful of pink and sparkly old woman.

"I can't believe it," Sylvia murmured. She kissed the man on the cheek and practically vibrated on the spot. "Just wait right here," she said sternly before hurrying away.

The two men started at each other in surprise. It was Dick who broke the silence. "What the hell just happened? How do you know Sylvia?"

"I, er, I really don't know," stuttered Teddy, who just knew he was looking as shell shocked as he felt.

They continued to trade confused looks until a minute later when they could hear a ruckus from the other side of the room. Sylvia was practically stampeding over the other guests as she moved back toward the couple with a bottle of wine clutched tightly in her grasp. When she finally made it back at their table, she deftly popped the cork and poured the wine into the two appropriate glasses on the table. "I've been saving this for a special occasion. If tonight isn't one, I'll eat my favourite Gucci handbag. Please, drink up!"

The men warily sipped the wine and Dick groaned with approval. Teddy studied the delicious flavour. "This seems familiar," he noted as he took another considering sip. "Star City Cellars, Cabernet Sauvignon, '69, if I'm not mistaken." At Sylvia's nod, his connection to the woman became clear to him. "Why Mrs Sylvia Moore," he practically crooned as he stole her hand and kissed it. "So this is where you've been hiding in Gotham, accepting my monthly bottles of wine."

Sylvia chuckled with delight. "Young man, I've never had to hide myself. My life is an open book. You however, I've never seen before and considering how successful your publications have become, I'm almost genuinely hurt," she said with clearly fake sadness.

"My apologies, Mrs Moore," smirked Teddy. "I'll ensure that I become one of your regulars to make it up to you."

The woman rolled her eyes which looked extremely odd since she was still sporting a smile. "Please, Theodore, call my Syl and whenever you're here, just tell the wait staff that you're Mr Zebra. You've just been added to my platinum guest list. I've waited ever so long to thank you for the best crossword publication I've ever bought. Please enjoy your evening and it's all on the house." The woman flashed them beaming smile, accepted their thanks and left them to their dinner.

"Mr Zebra?" asked Dick to his date.

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Let's not even pretend that you have no idea what she's on about."

Dick laughed. "Fine, Mr Black and White Crossword Creator. You're definitely one of her favourites now. Only three people I know have the pleasure of calling her Syl."

"Really?" said Teddy with surprise.

"Yeah. Veronica Vreeland, Bruce Wayne and now you," smiled Dick.

"Really?" said Teddy who internally winced at sounding like a broken record. "What about you?"

Dick laughed. "She'll always be Aunty Sylvie to me, no matter how old I get."

The pair then placed their orders and were halfway through their meal when an unwelcome feminine voice pierced the atmosphere. "Ladies and Gentlemen. Unless you want to find out firsthand how painful the Larkspur's toxic venom can be when combined with my own special fertiliser, you'll comply with my demands."

Dick fiddled absently with his wristwatch and looked on in concern. "Poison Ivy? Here, at _Sylvia's_? I can't believe it."

Teddy's heart filled with dread. If the tree-hugging criminal recognised him, it's game over for his fledgling romance.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Eight<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**35 Across - Unattractive (4 letters)**_

_**2 Down - Computer graphic (2 words - 4 & 3 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	9. Poison Ivy Exposure

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Nine - Poison Ivy Exposure_

"I'd say that I'm sorry to interrupt your evening but I'm really not," announced Pamela Isley dryly to the gathering of elite Gothamites.

"Yeah!" shrieked the grating voice of Harley Quinn. Teddy felt the entire bottom of his stomach fall out. Poison Ivy always had some kind of ecological goal in mind and as screwed up as her thinking could get, she was in many ways quite reasonable. Harley on the other hand had fallen in love with a psychopath and her understanding of repercussions was unquestionably skewed. He doubted that she could comprehend the meaning of the term collateral damage. Everyone in the room was now liable to lose their lives on account of the jester-clad woman.

"Don't," whispered Teddy to Dick, who looked like he was reaching for a firearm that wasn't even there. An unconscious action if ever there was one.

Dick's eyes flicked from Ivy to his date, who he gave a small nod to, before they returned back to the Eco-terrorist.

"Now, don't all go getting your panties into a bunch," said Harley as she prowled around the room. "We only need one o' ya, don't ya know?"

Poison Ivy rolled her eyes at her accomplice. "Of course they don't know yet, Harl. We haven't told them yet."

"Oh. Sorry Red. I spoiled the surprise," apologised Harley with a flinch. Teddy assumed that it was an automatic reaction as she was used to dealing with the Joker's wrath. "Well, now that the Catwoman's outta the bag, so to speak, we're just looking for someone with a lotta green. And not tree green like Pammy here but money green."

Pamela had moved away from the harlequin and was looking at the manicured shrubs and ferns. "You poor babies, how could someone take a blade to you as if you weren't beautiful enough to start with? What monsters," she seethed quietly to herself as she gently caressed the shrubbery.

There were scared mutterings from Sylvia's clientele as Harley made her way around the room, examining each occupant before moving on. She was nearing Dick's table when Poison Ivy called out, "Found anyone yet, Harl? We need to get a move on before the Bat-freak makes another one of his unwanted appearances."

"Not yet, Red. They're all small fish so far but don't ya worry, I'll find one yet," she called back cheerfully. Teddy could hear the soft jingling of bells and knew she was standing right behind him. "Hey, don't I know you?" Harley thought aloud and Teddy couldn't help tensing his body. Had she found him out? "Hey Ivy, isn't that one of Bruce Wayne's brats?"

There were hurried footsteps in Dick and Teddy's direction and the woman stopped by Teddy's shoulder. "Why yes, Harl, you're right. Richard Grayson, police officer of Blüdhaven," she spat, as if being a cop was more offensive than cutting down a tree. She raised her voice so everyone could hear. "Alright, the rest of you are free to go," she said sweetly but when no one moved, she yelled, "NOW!" and there was a stampede for the exit.

There were some screams as the elevator opened and Teddy could just see the explosives planted inside when the patrons ran as far away from the bombs as they could. "Oh goodie," came the delightfully cheerful voice of Harley, "It looks like they found our going away present."

Poison Ivy ignored her companion and was staring with disgust at the rose on the table. She picked it up and Teddy had to fight the strong urge to bitch-slap her for even thinking about touching it. She gently petted the petals and sniffed deeply. "You poor baby, plucked at the height of your life," her voice started to harden, "for some imbecile to kill you as a sacrificial offering of love." She drew out the word love as if it were more venomous than herself.

Teddy couldn't help it. He rose angrily to his feet, his chair scraping loudly behind him and ignored the loud thump of Harley who he'd accidentally knocked over in the process. Not only had the bitch taken Dick's rose, she'd called himself an imbecile. The smartest man in Gotham an imbecile? HELL FUCKING NO! "If you have a problem with the collection of flowers, take your complaints up with a florist. I hate to break it to you, Poison Ivy, but flowers are incapable of having feelings. They do not scream, speak or feel. They only exist so why don't you shut the fuck up?"

Although Teddy knew he'd probably just signed his death warrant by yelling at a woman more toxic than a nuclear waste dump and inadvertently knocking the other psycho over, he couldn't help but take sadistic pleasure in the overt look of absolute shock on Ivy's face. Her mouth fell open and she gazed at him in horror.

The moment wore off and Ivy's expression morphed to rage. "How dare you!" she shrieked. "Only one other man had the gall to tell me that and he's dead."

"Not by your hand," Teddy sniffed disdainfully but he froze and his eyes widened fractionally. He'd given away the whole game. He looked at Dick who still looked completely confused. As did Ivy and Harley, who had crawled her way over to Ivy's side and was now standing next to her. He heaved an internal sigh of relief. That was too close.

Ivy's eyebrows furrowed further, "How could you possibly know that? Unless..." she trailed off as a contemplative look took over. She leant forward and stared intently at Teddy's face and he saw the moment of realisation on hers. He begged her silence with his eyes but the cruel smirk she wore soon quashed his hope. "Edward Nygma, you're still alive!"

"Eddie?" gasped Harley with surprise before she launched herself at Teddy. She landed in his lap and gave him a big smooch on the lips. "You didn't die! I'm so happy for you although it's been really nice not hearing all of your stupid riddles every time ole Batsy sent you back to Arkham. They never made sense."

Teddy grunted, "They always made sense, it's not my fault you're dumber than a circus monkey." He shut his mouth quickly and slapped a hand over it. Not only had he given himself away but he'd confirmed it. How stupid could he get? Although he really didn't want to, he turned his attention to Dick. The officer was staring at him with absolute revulsion. "Dick, I can explain..." he started but the man rose to his feet, pushed Harley off his lap and punched him in the face. Hard.

"How dare you!" Dick seethed as he unconsciously mimicked Ivy's earlier words. "What the hell are you up to? You knew I was rich so what? You were going to seduce it out of me like some kind of gold-digger?"

"That's not it at all, I..." began Teddy but he was interrupted by an irate Harley.

"HEY, hand's off the merchandise, toots," she spat as she rose to her feet and threw a punch at Dick which he evaded.

Poison Ivy snorted. "I don't think he wants to put his hands anywhere on you, Harl. He wants to drag them all over the Riddler here."

"WHAT?" shrieked Harley.

Rolling her eyes at the woman, Ivy said, "A nice dinner and a red rose? Clearly they were on a date. Emphasis on were. Sorry if we ruined your plan Eddie. We didn't know." She actually sounded apologetic which Teddy might have found touching if he weren't so damn furious.

"THERE WAS NO FUCKING PLAN," he shouted. "Why else would I fake my own death? I just wanted a normal life and for once I was actually happy." He turned his eyes on the still suspicious Dick. "But clearly I was not meant to be happy," he muttered, feeling tears starting to fill his eyes. How could this one man make him react like this? It made no sense. He was supposed to be smarter than this.

Dick opened his mouth to reply in some way but a shattered window drew the four's attention to the roof where Batman and Batgirl were gracefully falling to the floor.

"I've heard enough. The reunion's over," ground out the Dark Knight. He menacingly strode toward them. "The three of you are coming with me."

Harley pulled out one of her pop guns and shot at him but Batman easily sidestepped the blast. Ivy had already made a run for the side of the building but found Batgirl blocking her way. The four began fighting in earnest as Teddy moved to Dick's side. "Dick, I..." he started.

"I don't want to hear it," snarked out the policeman coolly. "I can't believe I was so stupid."

"No it's not..." Teddy tried again.

"Shut up, Nygma," Dick spat. He looked Teddy in the eyes and the lack of warmth in them was something Teddy never wanted to see again. "Whatever this was, is over." He stood and walked away from the table leaving the still shocked Riddler in his wake.

Teddy sat down heavily in his seat. The sounds of battle dimmed as his mind tried to comprehend the complete mess he'd made of things.

"Nygma, make it easy on yourself and put these on," said Batman harshly as he threw a pair of bat-cuffs onto the table in front of him.

Teddy looked up at the Batman with a surprised expression. "But, but I didn't do anything!" he said, hoping the Dark Knight didn't notice his tears.

"You were found at the scene of the crime with two well-known villains. If I recall correctly, you used to get on rather well with them in the past. Tell me, what does it look like to you?"

"I, er..." stuttered Eddie but another voice overrode his.

"He had nothing to do with it, Batman," a calm feminine voice said from behind him.

"Mrs Moore, I have to..." began the Batman.

"You have to do nothing," spat the older woman. "I vouch for him. He's a very special guest of mine and had absolutely nothing to do with the shenanigans. In fact, I would appreciate it if you would turn your attention to the bomb in my elevator which could go off at any moment and leave my guests alone." Sylvia stared evenly at the Dark Knight who looked expressionlessly back.

"I'll be keeping a close eye on you, Nygma," he muttered before dramatically moving toward the lift.

Teddy couldn't care less. The one thing he thought was going well in his life was now gone.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Nine<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**34 Across - Not concealed (5 letters)**_

_**22 Down - Nonflowering plants (5 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	10. Papa-Paparazzi

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Ten - Papa-paparazzi_

Batman quickly disarmed the bomb and gave the guests the all clear before the owner/manager sent her clientele away, completely free of charge. Syl tasked the wait staff to clean up the mess and gave them the rest of the night off when they'd completed their chores. It was only then that the woman made her way over to the still distraught Riddler, who had been as still as a statue, staring off into space the entire time.

Syl plonked herself down in the chair Dick had been sitting in and drank the rest of his wine down in one go. "So, you're the Riddler then? That makes sense."

"And yet you're still talking to me?" Teddy asked as if the woman might be somewhat iffy.

The restaurateur snorted inelegantly. "Of course I am. For the last seven or so years, you've been a model citizen. You took your penchant for riddles and turned it into an empire to be proud of. It was clear from the look on your face that you had nothing to do with what occurred tonight so why on Earth shouldn't I talk to you?"

Teddy blinked at the woman as she topped up Dick's old wineglass from the bottle he'd gifted her last month. "Well, I'm a criminal."

After Syl took a swig from the now full glass, she peered at him over it. "You were. Past tense. You did your time and paid your reparations."

"Is that really enough to make up for it all?" he wondered aloud.

Syl smiled at him. "Of course, Zebra. I'm an ancient woman so I have a lot of life experience." Teddy vehemently denied that she was too old and was graced with a smile. "You're almost as charming as young Richard. I've seen others in a similar situation face similar choices. Do they continue down their dark path or do they make changes and turn toward the light? You made those changes and have abided by them. What more can anyone ask for?"

"Batman doesn't seem to believe me," Teddy muttered to himself.

"He will," smirked Syl, "when he doesn't find any ulterior motives behind your actions."

"Thanks," Teddy said quietly.

Syl just shrugged. "No problem. So let's make a real dent in this bottle, shall we?"

And so they did. In fact they steadily drank their way through three bottles and that's how Teddy found himself waking on the floor next to the table in the early hours of the morning. When he could blearily focus his eyes through his monstrous headache, he spotted a nearby note written on a serviette.

_Zebra._ (Teddy snorted at the name, it was sort of amusing that she'd actually started calling him that.)

_You passed out on me. I'm almost forty years your senior and you passed out on me? Unacceptable. We'll have to practice. I hope you don't feel too poorly this morning but I think you really needed a night of drinks after how your date disintegrated._

_Don't worry about Richard, he'll come around. It may take some time for him to pull his head out of his ass but he will. He'll realise his mistake and everything will fall into place. Consider it the product of my years of experience._

_If you ever need to talk or someone to have a few wines with, you know where to find me and my establishment is always well-stocked._

_Let me know that you're alive today or I'll be forced to hunt you down._

_Kisses._

_Syl._

Despite his body absolutely screaming in agony at his self-abuse, he couldn't help but snort at the ridiculousness that was Sylvia Moore. If he'd know she was truly this amusing, he might have tried meeting her in person years ago. Although if each get-together ended with extreme alcohol abuse like it had last night, he might not as a favour to his poor liver.

The crossword compiler rose unsteadily to his feet and found a couple of aspirin next to a bottle of water on a nearby table. He sent a silent prayer to Syl for her thoughtfulness and practically inhaled the medication, swallowing the water quickly afterward. She seemed to think things would work out between Dick and himself but he couldn't help but disagree. He'd essentially been lying to the cop for the entire time he'd known him and couldn't help but understand why he seemed to hate him.

Against his better judgement, Teddy hopefully glanced at his phone but was unsurprised (and slightly hurt) by the lack of missed calls and texts. It looked like their whatever-the-hell-it-was seemed to be over. He couldn't help but feel let down at the fact.

Teddy dragged himself home after leaving a note on a different serviette for Syl so she wouldn't hunt him down. If she can stare down the Batman, he certainly didn't want her chasing after him. He tried to focus on his crosswords but couldn't and instead spent a lazy day in front of the television.

A few hours later, the editor had almost (but not really) forgotten why he was sulking in the first place until he caught the evening news. The headline was Batman's arrest of Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. The survival of the Riddler was story number two. It was official. Everyone now knew he was still alive. The broadcast then briefly outlined his criminal past, how he did his time, faked his own death and then went into the details of his new life as Theodore Zerr. There was even a couple of current pictures.

Well, there goes his anonymity.

Teddy got the shock of a lifetime later that night when he went outside to throw out his trash in his Batman boxers. What seemed to be at least half of Gotham's paparazzi were waiting outside his front gate, camera's poised, hoping to catch the former criminal unawares. They definitely succeeded. Really, he shouldn't have been surprised since he had such an extremely high IQ but he was and gaped like a stunned fish at the bright flashes of light which made it difficult to navigate quickly to his garbage bin and back. He ignored all the questions and comments and raced inside to hide.

Over the next few days, the paparazzi finally seemed to lose interest in him. As the most exciting thing he ever did outside was collect his mail and take out the trash, he was hardly surprised. Strangely enough, in those two days he'd received more subscription notices than he had in the whole of the previous year. Apparently, a lot of people wanted to prove that they were smarter than the Riddler. In fact, he only had one puzzler contact him to cancel their subscription. There was also a random leaflet with a picture of Uncle Sam but coloured in green with black question marks over the words, _In riddles we trust_. Now that definitely amused him.

A week went by and although Teddy really tried to deny it, it hurt not talking to Dick. Despite how little time they'd spent in contact in the grand scheme of things, he thought about the gorgeous cop constantly. His shockingly white smile, the adorable dimples, his long and oh so grip-able hair, the chiselled features, his perfect cock, all of it. Not to mention how they could verbally spar for hours into the night and not tire of it or how they could actually discuss tricky topics like politics, racism and other difficult themes without discounting the other's point of view. He'd never found someone that he could truly consider his equal before and now that he'd had a taste of it, he longed to have it once more.

On several occasions, the editor had thought about calling the officer but he just couldn't. As hard as being apart was, he didn't think he could survive being told by the man he had some sort of feelings for to go fuck himself or something else to that effect. That would definitely hurt more. So he left things as they were.

Teddy did take Syl up on her offer a few times over the next couple of weeks and spent many an evening drinking well into the night. He got to hear about Henry Moore, her husband and instead of thinking how superior he was to him, he felt jealous that he'd gotten to keep the love of his life for so long and Teddy couldn't even survive a damn date. Which was entirely ridiculous since he hadn't even met the man but by the way she described him, he knew he was the one for Syl.

One of those nights, Teddy managed to catch a taxi ride home since cars could be fickle at times. When he entered his house, at any other time he would have reacted to the Batman's unexpected presence in his home but the combination of apathy and alcohol stopped any girly screaming he may have normally partaken in. Instead he just stared at the dark figure who was carelessly sitting on his couch with Robin (the second) and Batgirl on each side.

"Come in Nygma. Let's have a talk," rasped the Batman.

"Shouldn't I be the one inviting you in since this is, you know, my house?" Teddy thought aloud as he sat opposite the three masked figures. All he wanted to do was roll over and sleep. Bloody inconsiderate nocturnal beasts (except for the Robin which is a diurnal animal. It really screws with their whole creatures of the night theme) inviting themselves into his home.

Batman tilted his head in consideration. "Are you..." he paused for a moment, most likely just for dramatic effect, "drunk?"

Teddy smacked his forehead a little harder than he ordinarily would with a groan. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Ten<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**21 Across - Pamphlet (7 letters)**_

_**26 Down - Questionable (4 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	11. Interviews with the Vampire Bat

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Eleven - Interviews with the Vampire Bat_

"Yes, I am," Teddy confirmed airily. There was no point in denying it. Batman was a master detective after all and his neighbours could probably smell the wine on him from next door.

Batman crossed his arms and stared at the Riddler. His disdain for the pastime was clear in his silence.

"What? I'm a grown adult. Why can't I drink myself into a stupor whenever the hell I want to?" the editor demanded angrily with exaggerated hand gestures. "It's not like I have anybody to set an example for or anyone who gives a flying fuck about me..." He had to bite his tongue to stop the word 'anymore' from slipping out. Dick no longer cared about him. Life was pretty much pointless now and he finally understood why such a large contingent of love songs were about heartbreak and depression.

Batman still had nothing to say. Robin's head was cocked slightly to the side, as if the child was confused and Batgirl sat lazily like she was bored out of her mind. The bird was probably sizing him up because he was probably in diapers the last time the Riddler enjoyed a caper.

"Fine. If you're all just going to sit there and stare at me, knock yourselves out. I'm going to bed," Teddy huffed as he somewhat unsteadily rose to his feet.

"Sit Nygma," growled Batman as he quickly stood and loomed over the shorter man.

The pair stared at each other for a moment before Teddy rolled his eyes. "Oh for fuck's sake," he huffed as he sank back into his seat. "What do you want then?"

"I want to know your angle, Nygma," said Batman. He glowered from where he was still standing.

"Angle? I don't have an angle. Although if I were to call you one, it would be decidedly obtuse. I'm not up to anything and I will never be darkening the streets of Gotham again. Plus my name is Zerr now. Theodore Zerr. Teddy if you will. Or if you won't. I don't really care how you feel about it either way." Teddy folded his arms and glared angrily at Batman. He really didn't mean to get defensive but it seemed to be a reflex to the man's presence.

"No matter what your name is now, you'll always be a threat," acknowledged Batman.

To everyone's surprise bar his own, Teddy began to laugh uproariously. When he noticed the Dark Knight intensify his glare, he tried to curb his amusement with limited success. The editor eventually reined himself in and said, "There once was a time when that would have meant the absolute world to me. To be considered intelligent enough to warrant your attention but now..." Teddy trailed off. Now it was Dick that mattered and he'd fucked that up royally just by being himself.

"Now?" prompted Robin from his perch on the couch.

Teddy snorted. "Now I couldn't give a flying emu's ass about what any of you think. I'm reformed, whether you choose to believe me or not."

Batgirl let loose a low laugh that she was clearly failing at repressing. "The emu is a flightless bird," she noted dryly.

Eyes narrowing at her, Teddy snapped, "Forgive me, you louse. I thought you were intelligent enough to understand both sarcasm and irony. I will not make the same mistake again. Anyway," he said in Batman's direction, "if you don't believe me, feel free to snoop through my home. You know, the one you all invited yourselves into this evening. What am I saying? As if all three of you were needed for this little discussion. Clearly you've already done so and couldn't find any incriminating evidence. That's why you're still here, isn't it?"

There was a silence around the room and although it wasn't uncomfortable as such, it seemed to verify his hypothesis. Damn nosy bastards.

"Whatever. This time I am going to bed. Feel free to browse through my things whenever you like and question me to your heart's content at a later date when I don't feel like my head's being split open with an axe. You won't ever find anything because there's nothing to find. Waste your time as much as you like. I'm done," said Teddy dispassionately before he flounced to his bed. "Lock the door on your way out," he hollered before rolling over and falling asleep.

Over the next week, he met up with Syl a couple of times and told her about the snooping Batman.

The older woman enjoyed pointing out how she predicted he would try to find fault and fail in the attempt. She also noted that being unable to prove the Riddler's guilt in anything would annoy the Caped Crusader far more than anything else probably could, which garnered a small smile from the downtrodden man.

Teddy was still lamenting his lack of contact with Dick Grayson and while the intervention of Batman had been a welcome distraction, it wasn't enough of a diversion to take his mind off the raven haired man. He did have the pleasure of meeting the much discussed Henry Moore who was a little curt with him. The ex-con was quite sure that the man both disapproved of his former career and his wife's unhealthy interest in said criminal. Despite that, it was clear he trusted his wife's judgement unconditionally and did his best to remain civil throughout the evening.

When Teddy returned home that night, he discovered Batman sitting on his couch once again. This time however, the bat was alone. He was now quite thankful he had behaved in front of Henry and had imbibed hardly any wine at all.

"Batman, you're here again," the crossword compiler said with little enthusiasm.

The guest in question gazed evenly back at Teddy.

Teddy sighed loudly. "To what do I owe this, er, pleasure?" he asked.

"This is a courtesy call, Nygma," growled the Dark Knight. "I still haven't worked out what your scheme is but I will. I've searched through every inch of your apartment, monitored your calls, read your mail and even questioned those in close contact with you."

Teddy folded his arms tightly to stop himself from taking a swing at the kevlar clad man. It's probably what the vigilante wanted. A reason. "How very interesting, Batman. For someone who takes great pride in upholding truth and justice, your methods like breaking and entering, rifling through other's personal belongings and using threats and/or intimidation to achieve your goals seems a lot less just and much more illegal," Teddy noted.

The man rose to his feet with a snarl. "You're the criminal. Always have been, always will be."

"Correction," said the editor, "I was a criminal. I'm not anymore and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start chasing the real threats to Gotham's security instead of a ghost like me."

The man eyed him beadily. "I will continue to monitor you. Consider me your permanent parole officer. Expect a visit every week until I uncover your current scheme involving Richard Grayson."

"For fuck's sake, Batman!" yelled Teddy with exasperation. "There's no master plan, no schemes, no contingencies or plots or strategies of any kind. I'm not playing any sort of game and there are most certainly no jokes, riddles, puzzles or stumpers of any kind involved. Deep down, we both know this to be true because when have I ever committed any sort of crime that wasn't flashy and flamboyant? Oh, that's right, never!" He'd worked himself up into quite a state and was certain he'd sprayed a fair amount of spit during his tirade. "Uuugh!" he growled with frustration when words seemed to fail him for the first time in absolutely ages.

Batman's eyes were slightly widened and his mouth ajar. It seemed that he was actually surprised for a change. He quickly shut his maw with an audible snap and pursed his lips. "I'll admit, you're life since you faked your death appears to be legitimate but just because you, a self-proclaimed genius, made it appear that way doesn't mean it couldn't be something else entirely. I'm just looking out for Gotham's best interests."

Sighing loudly as the tension drained from his body, Teddy couldn't help but grin at Batman. "Look, I know. Saving this great city has always been your first priority and you certainly do an excellent job of it. I could be using this as some sort of cover for something truly insidious but I'm really not. I'm just trying to be a normal, functioning member of society."

"It does seem that way," conceded the Caped Crusader.

"Hey, tell me something. Did you ever actually believe that I was dead?" asked Teddy. There was a heavy silence. Obviously the man was not going to enlighten him.

Just as the crossword compiler was about to excuse himself so he could go to bed, he started as the Batman unexpectedly spoke. "Perhaps. No corpse was ever recovered so I guessed that you might still be alive. That said, I always believed that if you had survived the crash, you would have returned to your criminal ways as soon as you could. As you did not resurface, I stopped suspecting your involvement in crimes after a couple of years. Until that evening a few weeks ago, of course." A hard edge had returned to voice as he mentioned in passing the disastrous date night.

"Hmmm," Teddy hummed to himself as he thought while looking at the floor. "I figured as much. Anyway, I suppose I'll see you in a week when you break into my apartment again," he said as he glanced back only to find Batman had disappeared. "Son of a bitch," he muttered to himself before making his way to his bedroom.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Eleven<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**29 Across - Flightless bloodsucking insect (5 letters)**_

_**32 Down - Australian animal (3 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	12. Sylly Phone Calls

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Twelve - Sylly Phone Calls_

It had been almost a month since the date from hell and Teddy still hadn't heard from Dick. Also, the ache in his chest hadn't lessened in the slightest during that time. The police officer had been on his mind at least once every minute and although he really shouldn't, he couldn't help it. A small flare of hope kindles within his heart courtesy of Syl who still maintains that the man will eventually come around.

Which was why it was a complete surprise for Teddy to find a letter from the man in question sitting in his mailbox.

Without a further thought, the editor raced back inside his house with more energy than he'd possessed in the whole last week combined. He anxiously tore open the envelope with so much excitement that his fingers were trembling terribly. When he eventually managed to extract the contents, his insides felt like they'd been turned to lead and he couldn't help but let a small sob escape.

All that was within the envelope was the latest Terrible Tease contest crossword. Nothing more, nothing less. The only added extra was that wherever Teddy, Theodore or Zerr appeared on the form, it had been crossed out and relabelled as purely, Nygma. Each word felt like a physical blow to his chest and he couldn't stop a torrent of tears from streaming down his face.

The letters in the grid in front of him blurred and started to run but the man forced himself to concentrate on completing his job. Like hell he was going to fail at his new career despite how much he just wanted to tear the entry form into miniscule pieces. There was no real reason to be too thorough though because, as usual, it was one hundred percent correct.

There had been no conscious decision on Teddy's part. In fact, it seemed like he just blinked and instead of seeing the walls of his apartment, he was staring at the manicured shrubbery of the restaurant that was becoming as familiar to him as his own riddles.

Bright violet obscured his already hazy vision and a firm pressure applied itself around his midriff. It took him an embarrassingly long time to realise that he was being hugged. The casual embrace was something he was quite unfamiliar with so he stayed completely rigid and waited to be released.

"What did he do?" asked the quiet but clearly enraged voice of Sylvia Moore.

Teddy wasn't exactly sure when the woman stopped being a casual acquaintance and had turned into his first real friend. What he did know was that he didn't think he could survive without her anymore which was a truly frightening circumstance. He'd never had someone to rely on before and although her usual solution to his problems were to ply him with alcohol, it was more of a plan than anything he'd come up with on his own.

Finding himself sitting at one of the tables, the crossword compiler blinked in surprise. "Uh, what?" he asked.

"What the hell did he do?" growled Syl as she eyed the crumpled crossword clenched firmly in his grasp.

Somehow, Teddy managed to relax his hold on the now tearstained and wrinkled contest entry form. He hesitantly handed it over to the older woman.

Syl critically examined the completed crossword and noted the revisions made to the other content before she unexpectedly smacked her hand down on the table. "That's it. I've had enough of his hideous behaviour. If Dick's going to act like a three year old, I'll treat him as such." She abruptly stood and made her way to the bar (as her office was located behind it) muttering under her breath angrily all the way.

Teddy looked on as the woman retrieved a couple of items, collected something from the bar and returned to his table.

The restaurant owner placed a full glass of water in front of him with a sympathetic smile. "Sorry Ted," she soothed, "but even I wouldn't crack open a bottle of wine this early in the morning but just having something to keep you even mildly occupied is better than nothing at all."

"Thanks," Teddy muttered automatically before forcing himself to take a sip of the H2O. He watched on as the woman slammed her cordless phone onto the table with a bit more force than necessary before she started rifling through a slim, green phone number index. The pages also suffered from her rage as she practically tore them apart while searching for a specific number.

"Aha!" Syl chirped excitedly before she inputted it into the cordless phone. She held it up to her ear and waited a little impatiently. "Richard John Grayson," she all but yelled into the receiver and Teddy couldn't help but cringe in sympathy for a moment before remembering how much the man had recently hurt him. His moment of empathy ended in an instant. Fuck him. "You have no idea how angry I am with you right now."

Teddy wasn't sure whether he was supposed to be listening to the one-sided conversation but in the end he decided that it wasn't really ignorable.

"Don't you dare get smart with me, young man," Syl spat out. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" she all but screeched in what was clearly a sarcastic echo of what Dick must have said. "There are many things I can call you, Richard. Most of which are much less than complimentary at the moment but stupid has never been one of them. You already know why I'm calling and exactly why I'm seriously considering driving to Blüdhaven myself just to tan your damn hide."

Teddy's eyes were bulging with surprise. He'd never heard the kindly old woman get so angry before and he made a mental note to himself to never get her into such a state himself. Hands down, the woman was definitely scarier than Batman.

"Why? WHY?" yelled Ms Moore. "Who do you think has been looking after the mess of a gentleman you left behind, huh? Who do you think has been trying her best to keep a man who's lost all hope from giving up completely? Who the bloody hell do you think has held him in her arms as he cried for over a whole mother fucking hour? Me. I did."

Feeling his guts wrench at the fact that he'd apparently been crying for so long, Teddy couldn't help but feel mortified at his inability to control his emotions.

Syl was obviously on a roll. "Here I am, trying to salvage something from this situation and you're being an unmitigated ass." She listened for a moment before letting out a growl. "If you think I'm going to forget that, Richard, you are sorely mistaken. I suggest you have a long, hard think about your words and actions before you even think about talking to me again." She hung up without another word before letting out another frustrated growl.

Before Teddy could formulate a sentence, Sylvia entered another number into her phone. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down as much as possible before speaking and only partially succeeded. "Good morning, Mr Pennyworth. This is Sylvia Leanne Moore née Hardwick... Yes, it has been a long time... I was hoping Bruce might be available for a quick word... Oh, thank you very much... Yes, we should definitely catch up for a coffee... Excellent. I'll see you then."

Despite the situation, a small smile flitted over Syl's face before she ruthlessly smothered it. "Hello Bruce... I know, the restaurant has kept me extremely busy but that's really not an excuse... Oh, you've always been a charming devil, haven't you?... It's about Richard... He's being a stupid ass... This is not a laughing matter, Mr Wayne. I'm seriously angry with him and I don't know who else I could turn to... I know, he's not really your responsibility anymore and you're not exactly as close as you once were but he needs someone to pull his head in and I don't think it can be from me."

Sylvia sighed wearily. "It's a bit of a long story but I'll try to keep it brief. A few weeks ago, your ward was on a date with a friend of mine at my restaurant. It was during that hold up with Poison Ivy and that clown girl... Yes, that's her. Anyway, Richard flipped out when he discovered something about his date and has been more than awful ever since... I know that there's not much you can do about it but if you could discuss the matter with him, I very much appreciate it. I just can't stand by while someone I care for is standing on the brink of a total mental collapse..."

For the first time since talking with Bruce, Syl's voice took on a hard edge. "No. I'm not being melodramatic. I've been with him at least every three days since the incident and in some cases a few days in a row. I haven't seen anyone this devastated since, um, oh yeah. Do you remember that young man from Star City who was head over heels in love with that secretary of yours?... Well, it's worse than that... Thank you... Oh, I'd be delighted to come but only if the gentleman in question is also afforded an invitation... Well then, we'll see you then... Goodbye."

Sylvia looked at Teddy as she ended the call. "I hope you have a nice suit, Mr Zerr, because this Friday night we're attending the annual Wayne Enterprise Charity Ball."

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Twelve<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**25 Across - Ignites (7 letters)**_

_**4 Down - Maiden name indicator (3 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	13. Teddy-rella and Prince Un-Charming

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Thirteen - Teddy-rella and Prince Un-Charming_

Teddy was both dreading and eagerly anticipating Friday evening. The day after Syl phoned the billionaire, a letter was hand-delivered to his door by a grey haired gentleman who called himself Alfred Pennyworth. He insisted that his employer requested that the invitation be delivered personally to Mr Zerr and would trust no other to complete the task.

The invitation itself was clearly of high quality. His name was beautifully penned in a calligraphic style on very expensive paper. There was a handwritten note on the reverse side of the invite which was quite difficult to read.

_Mr Zerr_ it was addressed. _I apologise for the abruptness of this invitation but a mutual friend of ours (Ms Sylvia Moore) recommended adding your name to my guest list. She indicated that not only are you a friend of hers but that you know my ward, Richard Grayson. I hope your timetable allows for you to attend the event as I am very interested in making your acquaintance. It is a black tie event but I will make the requested ten thousand dollar charity donation on your behalf as recompense for the extremely late notice. I hope to meet you over the course of the evening. With kind regards, Bruce Wayne._

Teddy read the passage several times and drew a few conclusions. Firstly, there didn't seem to be a man alive who could refuse one of Syl's requests. The wealthy Wayne entrepreneur was just one of the many men she could bend to her will. For heaven's sake, even Batman himself acquiesced to her which was something he'd never seen the vigilante do before.

Secondly, Mr Wayne definitely wanted to meet the crossword compiler but it was probably for the purposes of discerning his intentions with his first ward. Teddy himself felt the point was moot since Dick clearly wanted nothing to do with him for all eternity but he'd indulge Syl since he felt he owed her that much at the very least. It was at this moment that he realised he could lump himself in with all the other men of Gotham who couldn't refuse a request of Ms Moore.

Teddy's third conclusion was that he once again needed to go shopping for appropriate attire. He didn't own a suit except for his Riddler one and that was not going to be worn in public ever again. Especially not at a charity ball in the manor of a man he had tried to burgle once before.

Finally, there was no way the editor would show up to the gala empty handed. He would need to take a cheque with him. It's not like he hadn't amassed a sizable nest egg from his puzzle books and the gesture would hopefully show Bruce Wayne that he was taking the ball itself seriously, no matter how much he'd prefer to stay home and yell the correct questions like, "What is an ichnite?" at his television while mocking the Jeopardy contestants' lack of paleontological knowledge.

Sylvia called him up Friday afternoon to ensure that he was definitely attending. Despite his numerous assurances, she still made several threats including castration which caused him to blanch. When she was finally convinced that he'd show up, she let him know that she would be arriving with her husband and would meet him there.

Dressed impeccably in a respectable Armani suit with a silver and green striped tie, Teddy wished as he drove to the function that he'd bought a slightly flashier vehicle instead of his somewhat battered sedan. It would surely stick out like a sixth toe. When he arrived at Wayne Manor, the valet eyed the car with a raised eyebrow but politely performed his duty.

The structure looked just as it had approximately a decade beforehand. The ex-criminal remembered the caper like it were yesterday. He had to scale numerous stairs just to get to the front entrance of the Gothically inspired building before he slipped through a side door. He managed to keep Bruce Wayne, Lucius Fox and his butler (who he now knows to be Alfred Pennyworth) hostage in the elaborate dining room. Looking back on the crime now, it was clear he was much less interested in the ransom and was getting steadily more excited about another clash with Batman. Unfortunately, he was to be very disappointed as he faced Robin (the first) instead.

Shaking his head to clear it of reminiscent memories, Theodore Zerr walked purposefully across the front landing to the open double doors. He recognised Mr Pennyworth just inside the room and warily approached him.

"Ah, Mr Zerr. How fortunate it is that you are able to join us here this evening," the older man said formally when he noticed the man standing somewhat uncomfortably near the doorway. He cleared his throat and solidly struck the gong standing patiently by his side with a padded mallet. The din in the foyer which had been converted into a large ballroom quietened at the sound as the guests examined the man before them.

Teddy couldn't help but think that attending the ball was a huge mistake, Sylvia be damned.

Before the man could turn tail and run, Alfred clearly and loudly announced, "Introducing Mr Theodore Zerr, the sole owner and editor of the Mr Z's Variety Puzzles publication." Various mutterings went around the room at the information and there were several unfriendly glances aimed at the man in question.

Teddy was about to move into the room but it appeared that Mr Pennyworth wasn't finished. "Mr Zerr's contribution of ten thousand dollars has been provided by Mr Bruce Wayne, which was settled through a prior arrangement."

"Actually," Teddy nervously said before he mentally snapped himself out of his irrational fear. He'd been a criminal for many years and was no stranger to public speaking. "I have also brought along a cheque for fifty thousand dollars to add to Mr Wayne's collection." Without waiting for any sort of acknowledgement, he handed the slip to Mr Pennyworth and strode toward the bar with a single-minded purpose.

Just as the editor reached it, he felt a strong hand grab his arm and drag him bodily around a nearby corner, away from the prying eyes of the elite Gothamites. He was turned and shoved hard into the wall while a forearm was pushed harshly against his throat, causing him to choke. Ordinarily he'd have been furious at being attacked and virtually strangled but all his rage at the situation vanished the moment he realised that it was Dick who had him pinned and scrambling for breath.

Without a conscious thought, all the tension left Teddy's body and it was a testament to exactly how fit the police officer truly was that he still managed to hold the editor aloft despite the dead weight.

Teddy uselessly opened his mouth, since he could barely breathe let alone speak but the movement seemed to prompt Dick into action. "What the fuck are you doing here, Nygma?" he asked in the same cold voice he'd heard that fateful night over a month ago.

Since the crossword compiler still couldn't speak, he raised an eyebrow before glancing down. The action caused the other man to realise that his arm was still applying a great amount of pressure on his windpipe, which was quickly removed. Instead, Dick put both hands on Teddy's shoulders to hold him in place.

Teddy swallowed gently after taking in a huge gasp of air. He cleared his throat and in a gravelly voice answered, "I was invited."

"Bullshit," spat Bruce Wayne's first ward. "There's no way that Bruce would have invited a criminal like you along to his family's gala."

Although he knew the man was deliberately out to hurt him, Teddy couldn't help but feel a stab of pain in his heart at the words. He eyed the man and seriously said, "I'm afraid you're mistaken." The pair continued their staring match for a while and although he knew he shouldn't, Teddy drank in the feeling of Dick's strong hands on his shoulders. It was masochistic but he just couldn't help himself. His body still yearned for the officer's touch. "Look. I know you don't want to believe a word I say but I think we both know that deep down, you already do."

"No, I sure as hell don't," denied Dick vehemently.

Teddy didn't bother disguising his disbelief. "Fine. Believe your own eyes then. You'll find my invitation to the party in my left trouser pocket. Take it out and read it."

Dick's eyes shifted around the room before he decided to extract the invitation from Teddy's pocket. He must have recognised the stationary and took the time to read the handwritten note on the back before scrunching it up in his fist with disgust. "That meddling bitch," he muttered to himself.

Seeing red, the crossword compiler was immediately incensed. "How dare you," he quietly seethed. He didn't want to make a scene. "That woman saved my life. She's the only person in the world who matters to me. That position was once yours but you know what? As much as I feel all sorts of things around you that I've never felt before and that right now I'm barely able to restrain myself from kissing you, for the first time I'm realising that I'm probably better off without you." He gave the officer a hard shove away from him and managed to retreat back to the party without once looking behind himself.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Thirteen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**11 Across - Foot digit (3 letters)**_

_**1 Down - Trace fossil (7 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	14. One Host, Two Host, Red Host, Blue Host

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Fourteen - One Host, Two Host, Red Host, Blue Host_

Teddy was momentarily blinded by the bright turquoise number that Sylvia was wearing before he enveloped the woman in a warm hug. Her husband had the good grace to greet him before excusing himself to converse with some of his other friends.

"So, are you ready to meet Bruce Wayne?" asked the lady before she cheerfully swilled the remains of her glass of wine. When it looked like the man didn't want to answer, she added, "Don't make me nag, Mr Zerr."

The editor nodded although he supposed it could only go better than his previous encounter with Dick Grayson. "Sure. Why not?"

The pair walked over to a table where the multi-billionaire was sitting with various women (who were all quite young and over-abundantly well-endowed) fawning over him. Thankfully the man extracted himself from the gold-digging whor..., erm, ladies and sunnily approached them. "Syl, it's been ever so long. How are you enjoying the party so far?" he politely inquired.

Sylvia smiled widely at the man and said, "I'm enjoying the delectable wine selection you have. It's a vast improvement from that horrible slop from last year."

"Ever the connoisseur, aren't you?" smirked Bruce as he snagged a full glass from a random waitress and handed the drink to the woman.

Eyes sparkling, Syl replied, "Naturally," as she took another deep drink. Since she was currently busy, she gestured somewhat spastically at Teddy who was enjoying standing well out of the way, sipping on a beer.

Bruce's eyes widened almost comically. "Oh! You must be that Teddy man I've heard so much about." Somehow, his smile broadened as he advanced on the crossword compiler. He gave a warm but firm handshake. "It's been a while since I've seen my oldest ward that happy. He took your Riddler history rather poorly, didn't he? Such a shame."

Teddy managed not to spit out a scathing retort, since the man in front of him appeared to be rather dim. Nice but very unintelligent indeed. He instead agreed with the statement. "Yes, he was very put out and has refused to speak to me since. Well, except for just before where he accused me of infiltrating your event and then called Syl something extremely unpleasant." He could practically feel Sylvia's anger building while Bruce's face almost comically fell with obvious disappointment. The wealthy man meaningly glanced at someone behind the editor.

"Yes, Master Bruce?" came Alfred's voice from behind Teddy, who embarrassingly started at the words, much to Sylvia's amusement.

"Can you please send Tim to me and Dick home? He's being intentionally rude to my guests and I will definitely be having words with him later. If he proves to be difficult, send him my way too," ordered the multi-billionaire.

"Of course, Sir. I shall see to it at once," said the butler with a nod before he departed.

The trio chatted about Sylvia's restaurant, Bruce's business deals and Teddy's crossword empire until a child of about thirteen donning a very expensive suit joined them. He warily eyed Teddy before his gaze flicked over to his adopted father. "You were looking for me?"

"Yes," nodded Bruce with a smile, "I want you to meet Theodore Zerr, the man who's been seeing your older brother." Turning himself back to Teddy he said, "This is Timothy Drake, my youngest ward," as he gently placed his hands on the boy's shoulders.

The crossword compiler noticed an interested and somewhat excited gleam enter the young boy's eyes.

"So you're the guy he never shuts up about?" noted Tim. His eyes seemed to absorb every detail of the man standing in front of him. "Interesting. I thought you'd be..."

"Younger, hotter, more buff?" threw out Teddy.

"Scarier," finished Tim, to the laughs of the adults. "I mean, everyone's heard of the Riddler and how he used to terrorise Gotham all the time. So I thought you would be, you know, a crazy." He tilted his head slightly as he re-examined the tall man. "You don't seem to be a few cards short of a deck."

Teddy semi-sarcastically snorted, "Why thank you very much, Mr Drake."

The child grinned.

"Excuse me," interrupted Henry Moore as he approached the small circle of partygoers, "but I need to steal this ravishingly beautiful young lady away." He gently grabbed her hands with a soft, warm look and Teddy couldn't help but wish that someday someone would gaze at him in the same way. He'd obviously prefer that it was Dick but chances of that happening were negligible. "Miss Vreeland and Mrs Steele are both begging to catch up with you."

"Oh! Veronica's here? I've been dying to hear about her cruise up the Amazon River. Apparently, she started at the inlet near Belém in Brazil and sailed west all the way to Iquitos in Peru. What a marvellous adventure!" Syl smiled and nodded regally at Bruce and Tim before her eyes flicked to Teddy. "Will you be alright on your own, Zebra?" she asked softly.

The editor ignored the barely stifled laughter from the men at his friend's nickname and rolled his eyes. "Of course. I'll be fine, Syl. If you need me I'll probably be near the bar but I don't think I'll be here for much longer. Are we still on for dinner and drinks next Tuesday?" he inquired.

"Absolutely," the lady agreed before pecking him gently on the cheek. She sauntered off, leaving her husband in her wake. He quickly hastened to follow as Alfred approached Bruce and whispered something in his ear. Whatever he said caused the smile to drop from the host's face.

"I apologise, Mr Zerr but I have a matter that requires my immediate attention," Bruce Wayne said. He sent a meaningful glance at the teenager that Teddy couldn't decipher.

"Of course, Mr Wayne. Until next time," Teddy acknowledged as the multi-billionaire and his butler departed the scene. This left the editor alone with the young boy who was staring at him with undisguised interest.

"I wonder what he sees in you of all people," Tim mused aloud to himself.

Teddy snorted loudly, causing the kid to smile. "I questioned that myself the whole time we were... erm, well, whatever we were."

"Well, I certainly heard plenty of stuff about you," said Tim earnestly. "At first, he was always saying Teddy this and Ted that and walked around like he was living on a cloud or something. He has such green eyes and perfect hair and blah blah blah sexy smirk blah blah wicked tongue and vocabulary and so on. Then after the date disaster thingy he was all mopey and weird and sort of stopped talking. Well to me at any rate. He never really talked to Bruce since his move to Blüdhaven and I'm talking way too much now aren't I? Why can't I stop? I mean, can you just interrupt or something 'cause I..."

"Do you want a drink?" asked Teddy over the burbling. "I mean, do you want a non-alcoholic drink? If you're going to ramble like that all night, I'm certainly going to need a hell of a lot more booze to survive this."

The teen smiled appreciatively at the man. "No I'm fine and I'll stop bothering you, Mr Zerr..."

"Teddy," interrupted the man again. "Please, call me Teddy."

The shorter guy nodded with a happy grin. "Alright then, Teddy but you'll have to use Tim in return. So Teddy, I'm going to go and talk to some of the other guests since Bruce had to go to work. Again. Now I have to host this event. Usually that honour," and Teddy could clearly hear Tim's sarcasm, "is reserved for my idiot of an older brother but it seems he was voted off the island, so to speak."

The crossword compiler frowned a little, "Do you have to play host in your adopted father and brother's stead often?" he asked with genuine curiosity.

"Nah, I mean, no. I'm called upon very infrequently. I'm like..." trailed off Tim as he tried to come up with an appropriate analogy. He snapped his fingers and smirked. "I'm like a new pair of sneakers. Because I'm new, I work but I also cause blisters. So I only get a go on the odd occasion. Someday I'll get worn down and become the older, more experienced pair of shoes but until then, I need time, training and perseverance."

"Wow," said Teddy in awe. "You're one driven individual, Mr Dr... I mean, T-Tim."

"I certainly am," agreed the teen. "I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening." He turned and started to leave but froze on the spot for a moment. Appearing to make some sort of decision, he spun around and walked purposefully back to Teddy. He seriously looked up at the editor before he tugged at the man's sleeve, encouraging him to lean down to his own level.

Intrigued, Teddy obliged the child. "Yes?" he queried.

Tim drew in a determined breath. "Dick is smart about many things. He's really good at math, puzzles, foreign languages and acrobatics. What he sucks at is how to be happy and how to listen to his feelings. He truly cares for you. I know it. Don't give up on him yet. Please?"

Two enlarged eyes looked pleadingly at Teddy and he couldn't help but agree. "Fine. I shall try but it I can't wait forever."

"That's all I ask, Teddy. It was a pleasure to meet you. I hope I get to see you a lot more," said the boy before he left to attend to his inherited duties.

Teddy stayed for one last drink before he made his way back home, thankful that he'd only had three all night and was under the legal limit.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Fourteen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**27 Across - Small riding horse (3 letters)**_

_**16 Down - Fluidic entryway (5 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	15. The Gypsy Robber

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Fifteen - The Gypsy Robber_

The day after the gala, as Teddy watched the dangling figure of the Mad Hatter on the morning news, the man came to an unpleasant realisation. It was almost time for his next crossword edition to be published and because of his meltdown over Dick's abrupt entry form and the unexpected invitation to Wayne Manor, he still owed the police officer his thousand dollar cash prize.

Well one thing was certain. There was no way the crossword compiler would be giving the money to him in person. After careful consideration, he opted to simply mail a cheque. It was beautiful in its symmetry of impersonality. As Dick refused to talk to him, he could easily return the cold shoulder. That way there would be no awkward or hostile conversations if he was caught dropping money off to the officer's residence. Sending it to his workplace was an even more ridiculous idea. They would probably suspect a package from the Riddler of being some sort of incendiary device or one of the crooked cops might just keep it for himself, which was simply unacceptable.

Writing the first cheque was the hardest. It was strange how the editor could recall the man's details perfectly and yet writing the words themselves onto a damn envelop was practically impossible. In all honesty, dropping the finished letter into the post office box afforded him a small moment of both satisfaction and relief. The second time was a little easier and he felt like he had finally mastered the art of lying to himself about how much the situation didn't hurt him on the third instance.

Teddy had spent the majority of the last couple of months working on his crosswords, meeting up with Syl, tolerating Batman's weekly appearances and desperately trying not to think about the one man who was constantly on his mind, which he was failing at spectacularly.

Ears pricking up at the soft tread of a footstep, Teddy was about to turn and greet his nocturnal visitor. He found it quite amusing that his senses and reflexes were much more honed now than they ever were while he was the Riddler. If he'd had these traits in the past, he might have been a better villain. On the plus side, back then he wasn't being practically stalked by the vigilante. What was unfortunate about his current predicament was that the damn bat would appear at the most unlikely and inconvenient times. Like now, when he was halfway through washing the dishes.

"Hey. Wanna dry while I wash?" the compiler asked without looking around as he scrubbed a small saucepan.

"I don't think so," purred a surprisingly female voice in response.

Teddy whirled around and somehow managed to keep his composure. The outrageously costumed woman was standing unconcernedly in his kitchen. Her posture was relaxed and she gently pushed a long, ebony ringlet of waxy hair behind her ear. All in all, the woman was dressed like a fortune-telling gypsy. She was swathed in blue, purple, pink and gold fabrics adorned with peacock feathers, beads and jewels. A lemon yellow Arabian niqab covered her nose and mouth, leaving only her chocolate coloured eyes visible which were highlighted by floral henna tattoos. To his eyes, there appeared to be something off about the woman's face but he had little time to work out what it was as she broke the silence between them.

"I heard through some acquaintances of mine that you were once known as the Riddler, am I correct?" she inquired. Her tone was smoother than the silks she was clad in and possessed an almost hypnotic quality. Yet there was something about it that also struck Teddy as decidedly odd.

Arching an eyebrow, the crossword compiler warily said, "Your information is correct although my identity is now public knowledge. What I'd like to know is why you felt the need to sneak into my house."

The woman tilted her head in consideration. "Interesting. I would have thought your first question would be about my name."

Teddy could feel a headache coming on. It was clear that this woman would be a sub-standard villain at the very least. She seemed to sway slightly forward and back on the spot woozily. "Miss, if you wanted me to know, you would have properly introduced yourself at my front door after ringing the doorbell. As far as I'm concerned, the less I know about you, the better. Now get to the point."

"I see," commented the oddly-attired woman with a frown. "Fine then. I need access to the Gotham Museum of Antiquities for a very special piece. It's one of the original scores of _The Arabian Nights_ by Rimsky-Korsakov which was reputedly the one he used in the symphony's premiere performance in 1888. Unfortunately, the music wing of the museum is protected by a laser grid, pressure-sensitive floor tiles and an electronic lock. I have the first two covered but I need help with the encrypted keypad. I remembered that you're an expert at cyphers and hacking so I'd like to know if I can enlist your help." She barely stopped for breath and the crossword compiler could feel his headache worsening. Her voice was doing something to his brain.

"Alright," Teddy sighed. "I'm no longer involved in any kinds of illegal activities, so no I'm afraid I can't help you. You'll have to find some other intelligent partner in crime to aid you. I will, however, offer you some advice. Don't turn to a life of crime, the benefits are vastly outweighed by a combination of lengthy stays at Blackgate and Arkham courtesy of Batman." Although he couldn't see it, he was almost positive that she was smirking at him.

"I have no intention of getting caught," she said airily while she defensively crossed her arms.

Teddy snorted. "Of course you don't but every crook has the same plan, which always seems to fail. Regardless, if you continue on your chosen path I believe you could learn a few things from my experience. In other words, I have some pointers for you so you don't embarrass yourself. One, don't tell a complete stranger your entire caper. It's a weakness that can be exploited. Two, don't wear impractical footwear. It's impossible to escape quickly if you can barely stand on your own two feet, like right now for instance. Three, your vocal modulator has some difficulty with notes outside a pentatonic scale and needs to be adjusted. Four, pay for better a better wig. Yours is just trashy and lastly, if you are going to pretend to be a brunette, you need to darken your eyebrows. They're clearly tinted with red and if I noticed, Batman would see it too. Good luck in your endeavour. I'm sure you can find your own way out."

Without waiting for a response from the visibly stunned woman, Teddy turned back to his dishes and internally lamented the fact that the water had become tepid. Although he hadn't heard her leave, she was no longer behind him when he'd completed his task.

Later that night, the editor was once again visited by Batman. He informed the vigilante about the fledgling criminal and her intended prize, much to the Dark Knight's surprise. He grunted out that he'd take care of it before disappearing with an overdramatic twirl of his cloak.

A couple of days later, Teddy discovered a small article in the Gotham Gazette. Apparently the woman had indeed tried to go through with her heist and was foiled by the combined efforts of Batman and Robin. Although the woman wasn't apprehended, she was now on Batman's radar and calling herself Scheherazade. It made sense since the Arabian Nights symphonic poem is based upon the tales told by Scheherazade. If her imagination was lacking that much in originality, she was destined to spend the rest of her life behind bars. He hoped the scare of being hunted by the Dynamic Duo would set her on the straight and narrow.

The doorbell distracted him from the paper and he forcibly quelled the fleeting hope that it might be Dick. What was surprising was that the visitor was somewhat related to the police officer. Alfred Pennyworth was once again on his front porch.

"Good morning, Mr Zerr," stated the older man in his unruffled accent, as if he had talked to all reformed criminals all his life.

"Good morning to you to, Mr Pennyworth," echoed back the editor. He was infinitely pleased that he was actually dressed for the day, instead of just mooching around in his pyjamas. "Would you like to come in?"

"As delightful as that sounds, I'm afraid I have to decline. I have several errands that must be completed by this afternoon," said the butler with sincerity. "I have once again been tasked the delightful responsibility of inviting you to Wayne Manor," he stated as he handed over a dark grey envelope with silvery scrawl.

"Oh," said Teddy with surprise, "is it for another charity benefit?"

Alfred smiled gently. "Not on this occasion, Mr Zerr. This is a more, personal, invitation. Masters Bruce and Timothy greatly enjoyed your brief company at the gala and request (if you are willing, of course) that you join them for an intimate dinner sometime next week on a day of your convenience."

Teddy nodded that he had indeed listened to the invitation as he mentally went through his timetable. It was an easy thing to do since his evenings were only filled with occasional dinners at _Sylvia's_. Otherwise his other nights were spent wasting away in front of the television or on the computer, completing his crosswords. "How about next Wednesday?"

"An excellent choice, Sir. We look forward to seeing you then," noted the butler before he bid the editor farewell and drove off, leaving the surprised man thinking about the upcoming evening. He went inside to call Syl, she'd flay him alive if he kept the news to himself.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Fifteen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**8 Across - Citrus fruit (5 letters)**_

_**15 Down - Types (5 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	16. The Hunger Games

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Sixteen - The Hunger Games_

"Hey Teddy!" squealed Tim Drake as the door to Wayne Manor was flung wide open.

Before the man in question could reply to the cheerful greeting, "Master Drake," was admonished sharply. "Last I checked, it was my duty to greet guests to this establishment, not yours. Make your way to Master Bruce and inform him that Mr Zerr is here."

Tim pouted but didn't question the older man's order, although he muttered mutinously to himself as he left the room.

Alfred Pennyworth cleared his throat to garner the guest's attention. "I apologise for Master Drake's misstep. He knows better but he has been anticipating your arrival for the past few days."

"Really?" said Teddy in surprise.

"Indeed. As has Master Wayne," agreed the butler. "Please, follow me," he directed as he led the man to a lounge, where Bruce Wayne was reclining on a comfortable-looking couch with a glass of some sort of hard liquor. From the colour, Teddy guessed it was a variety of scotch.

Just as Alfred was about to announce the editor's presence, an out of breath Tim swept into the room from a different doorway. "Bruce, Bruce, Teddy's..." he shouted before lowering his voice and blanched when he noticed the butler's disapproving glare. "Er... here," he finished rather lamely.

Bruce followed his ward's line of sight to the other two men and hastily rose to his feet. "Mr Zerr! It's such a pleasure to see you again," he said with sincerity as he moved forward and initiated a firm handshake. "Can I get you some sort of pre-drink?" he asked politely while rattling his tumbler in what he clearly thought was a tempting invitation.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr Wayne and a glass of whatever you're having will be fine," Teddy warmly smiled. He accepted a glass while Tim was getting chastised by Alfred for trying to accept the drink as his own.

The words, "You are far too young for an alcoholic beverage Master Tim, as you well know. At the most, I will serve you Pepsi but nothing stronger..." floated clearly across the room.

Bruce and Teddy watched the other pair as the butler continued his rebuking and the former sighed quite heavily. He looked at the latter with a slightly exasperated look. "I apologise for my ward's lack of social graces. He's been more than a handful the last few weeks. I just hope this defiant stage in his development ends soon or it will drive me around the bend."

Teddy chuckled. "I don't know how you do it. Just the thought of parenting a girl causes me to break out in a sweat, let alone a boy and you've taken in two by choice. Frankly, I think you're remarkable."

A red flush swept over Bruce's face as he graciously accepted the praise. Their conversation turned from parenting to schooling and they were well into a somewhat heated discussion about the current American Secretary of Education before Alfred politely coughed to gain their attention and led them to the dining room.

Despite the massive size of the table, only one end was set. Mr Wayne took his natural position at the head of the table with Tim seated to his right. Alfred escorted Teddy to the setting opposite the younger occupant and as the editor made himself comfortable in his seat, his and Bruce's glasses were refilled by the efficient employee. After the older man left to bring in the entrée, Teddy inquired where the butler would sit.

Bruce chortled, "Alfred usually dines with us but when we're entertaining, he feels it is not his place, despite our protests." Tim just nodded his agreement.

Teddy decided that he would do something about it. After Alfred brought in the appetisers, which were a delicious collection of Andouille and Boudin sausages, the crossword compiler cleared his throat.

Freezing in place the three other men looked at the guest in surprise. "Oh my," noted Bruce, "you're not religious are you? Do you want to say grace?"

Despite his best intentions, Teddy couldn't help the loud snort that escaped his nose. "Not in the slightest, if I were truly devout, I would never have spent so many years of my life as a criminal." After he'd said that, he almost gave himself a heart attack. It was the first time he'd ever mentioned his criminal history in casual conversation before and he didn't know exactly how to feel about it. He shook his thoughts away and refocussed his attention on the three men (well, two and a half if he was going to be pedantic) who were looking at him with slightly worried expressions. "Apologies, my thoughts just ran away from me. What I wanted to say was that as delicious as this meal looks, I don't think I can eat it until everyone is comfortably seated at the dinner table."

Tim looked slightly bamboozled but a grin started to spread over Bruce's face. A brief frown crossed Alfred's expression before it was wiped away and replaced with a bland countenance. "As kind as you are being, Mr Zerr, it would not be proper for a servant like myself to eat at the table with a guest."

Nodding with understanding, Teddy sighed, grabbed his tumbler and leaned back in his chair. "It's a shame that such a delicious meal will go to waste," he noted before taking a measured sip. He enjoyed seeing the visible twitch of the butler's moustache.

The silence and lack of movement lasted almost a full minute before Tim broke it. "Well I'm hungry. Can I have some dinner, Teddy?" he asked with a pout.

"Of course you can, Tim," allowed the editor. "I did say that only I won't eat the meal, not you."

The teen flashed him a brilliant smile before his hand stretched for a cut of the Andouille. His limb was captured quickly by Bruce who sent his ward a withering glare. "Where are your manners, Timothy? You know as well as I that a gracious host must patiently wait for his guest to partake in a spread of food before he can avail himself. While Mr Zerr is tolerantly waiting, so too shall we." His tone brooked no disagreement but the boy frowned and when his arm was released, he folded his arms crossly to display his discontent.

It only took three and a half more minutes for the butler to concede defeat and an additional two for the man to complete setting a fourth place at the table next to Tim. Teddy nodded thankfully at the man before torturously taking his time to carve his selections from the entrée, causing Tim to growl and Bruce to laugh.

The three men conversed about many different topics including the promotion of Officer Montoya to Commissioner after Jim Gordon's well-deserved retirement, the strange appearance of three unexplained craters in the Diamond District and the recent hot streak the Gotham Knights were having in the current season of basketball. Tim had little to do with the chatter as he scarfed down as much of the meal as he could.

When the entrée was fully consumed, it was replaced with Sweet Barbeque Glazed Salmon and Char Grilled Swordfish. It was subsequently followed by Vanilla Crème Brûlée and Chocolate Soufflé for dessert. The entire meal was absolutely exquisite and Teddy made sure that he complimented it often, not because he felt obliged but simply because it was the truth.

At the conclusion of the dinner, Teddy tried to help Alfred with clearing the table but was told, "Although I may acquiesce to your orders in the face of a hunger strike, there is absolutely no way in which I will accept any help in what is most certainly one of my duties as a butler." Teddy graciously allowed the man to fulfil his task alone while ignoring the sniggers coming from both Bruce and Tim.

The young teen politely excused himself from the table to complete his neglected homework after a stern but short conversation between the ward and his guardian. Before fleeing, he sheepishly ducked around the table and gave the surprised editor a brief and unexpected hug. "Just in case I don't get to see you before you leave. See you next time, Teddy!" he chirped before he was gone.

Teddy turned his attention to the only other occupant of the room, the reclusive multi-billionaire. "He's a good kid," he noted.

A wide smile swept over the man's face. "He most certainly is," he agreed before he appeared to face some sort of internal battle. His fingers twitched a few times toward and away from his jacket before he reached into the breast pocket and withdrew an emerald coloured envelope. He stared at it for a few moments before nodding to himself. When his gaze met the other's clearly amused expression, he blushed a little before clearing his throat. "I, er, I never really thought I'd do this but I honestly think you've changed from the man you once were."

"Um, thanks," noted the ex-Riddler tentatively. It was strange to hear the billionaire sounding so serious. For a moment, he thought it sounded a little familiar but brushed the thought aside as he was handed the envelope. He opened it with slightly shaking fingers and discovered the contents to be a single ticket to the upcoming Gotham Knights game. "Oh," he said aloud as he tried to work out why the man would give his such a gift. "Er, thank you, I, er, guess?" he stuttered.

Bruce chuckled. "It's more than you currently think, Mr Zerr. I pulled some strings to get that particular ticket."

"Why?" asked the curious crossword compiler.

"Did you know that Dick has never missed a Gotham Knights game before? I believe you'll find his seat is right next to yours so if you were, say, a few minutes late to the match..."

"...he would find himself trapped next to me for the entire game, unless he wanted to cause a scene," finished Teddy excitedly. It was a small hope but was a fuck-ton more than he'd had in the last few months. Apparently, Bruce wanted to match make the pair of them and it meant the absolute world to him and that was how the multi-billionaire found himself with an armful of editor.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Sixteen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**9 Across - Cola-flavoured drink brand (5 letters)**_

_**14 Down - Depressions (7 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	17. Of Fying Flucks and Eddie's Teddies

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!**

Hey guys. In making my epilogue for this story (it'll be chapters 21 and 22) I realised that I needed to slightly adjust my Terrible Tease crossword. I'M INCREDIBLY SORRY FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE! I've had to change three clues in three different chapters (which I've already fixed and uploaded) so if you have been completing the challenge before** Monday the 16th of June**, you'll need to recheck the following three clues. The storyline has not changed in the slightest, so rereading the entire fic is not necessary.

Chapter 2 (Meeting Mr Grayson) - 7 Down

Chapter 11 (Interviews with the Vampire Bat) - 29 Across

Chapter 15 (The Gypsy Robber) - 8 Across

Once again, I'm sorry for my short-sightedness. I hope you enjoy the next four chapters which I will be proofing and uploading today. Then only the epilogue will remain!

Cheers, Jace.

* * *

><p><strong>From Mr E to Mr Z<strong>

_Chapter Seventeen - Of Fying Flucks and Eddie's Teddies_

Bruce and Teddy spent several more hours drinking together under the ever-watchful eye of Alfred. The former was well on his way to a blinder of a hangover when he drunkenly announced something that surprised the latter completely. "You know, Mr Zerr, you know what? Your name sounds like purr. Purr, purr, purr. Um anyway, what was I singing again? Oh, that's right. Know what? I totally approve of you and Dick and the sex and hot love and whatever, you know? I mean, at first I was fury-er, furry, no, not that. Furry-ous? Um, well, you know what I mean, rate?"

"You are? Seriously? You don't mind?" asked the much more sober Teddy. He privately thanked Syl for the many hours of practice they'd had together to help nurture his recent tolerance of alcohol.

"Nah, not anymore. You're really funny and anyone who can wool the pull over Alfie's eyes is someone worthy of my Dick. Uh, not MY dick but the grey one, er, son. Gah! Why is talking so damn hard?" lamented the host.

"I believe it's because you are more or less smashed, Master Bruce," noted Alfred dryly and Teddy got the impression that the multi-billionaire would suffer at his butler's behest for his drunkenness over the next few days. "I do believe it's time for you to retire," decided the man who ignored the slurred protests of his employer. "Bid your guest goodnight."

Bruce launched to his feet and swayed over to where Teddy was now standing. He shook the editor's hand solemnly before surprising him with a bone-crushingly strong hug. "You know, Zerr-purr-Zerr, wear green on your date. It's Dick's favourite."

"I can't," whined Teddy mournfully.

"Why not? 'Cause of the riddle thing?" asked Bruce.

"Well, yes."

Rolling his eyes exaggeratedly, Bruce snarled, "Well who gives a fying fluck? Show him that you're not ashamed of your past. Wear the green to show off your pretty eyes and use your real name - Eddie. Think about it," asserted the drunk man before he grabbed the other's head and planted a kiss on his forehead. He nodded twice before meandering off, leaving a gobsmacked editor in his wake.

Alfred asked Teddy to wait while he ensured that his employer was safely in bed, then drove the editor home and apologised profusely for the host's drunkenness. Teddy waved the expressions of regret away before he bid the butler goodnight through a stifled yawn.

The next evening, Teddy journeyed to _Sylvia's_ for one of their shared dinners. Today she was swathed in a cream number which had to be the tamest colour the editor had ever seen the woman wear. As the evening progressed, where he told the older woman all about his evening at Wayne Manor, her continuous monosyllabic replies started to get to him. It was very out of character. "Alright. Enough of this nonsense. What is going on, Sylvia?" he asked harshly, causing the woman to blink at him in surprise.

"Er, what?" she replied as if she had woken from a deep sleep.

"I repeat, what is going on, Sylvia? Neutral colours, short answers and a distinct lack of interest in, well, anything really..." he trailed off and took a moment's satisfaction in watching the fiery woman both gape like a stunned mullet and blush at being caught out. "Well?" he prompted.

"I'm sorry Zebra. It's just that Henry's being an unmitigated ass. Do you know what he said to me this morning?" she started out apologetically but was clearly working herself up into a good head of steam. "He said 'I just don't know what to do with you anymore, Sylvia. You seem much more interested in your pet projects than in me or this relationship.' Can you believe that? How dare he call my restaurant a pet project! The nerve of that man."

To the woman's consternation, Teddy began to laugh loudly which drew the attention of some nearby patrons. It had a sort of husky and underused quality to it which seemed to attract an audience without sounding abrasive. In fact, most onlookers just seemed to smile in response and Dick had commented on how nice his laugh was during one of their many phone conversations before shit went south. After he was glared to his silence, he said, "I'm quite certain that he was not referring to your fine establishment."

"Then what in the name of Robin's scaly panties was he going on about?" Syl fumed, to the editor's amusement.

"Forgive me if I'm wrong but I believe that your hobby horse might be, er, me. I know it may be narcissistic of me to suggest it but I have a strong feeling that the majority of your conversations with your husband of late may have centred more on me than on the two of you." Teddy fidgeted in his seat. He had never proclaimed to be any sort of expert about human interaction but this seemed to be the most likely explanation.

The woman seemed to be absorbing the suggestion while the man sipped his wine. One of the wait staff took the opportunity to remove the finished plates while both parties were occupied by their own thoughts. "Your suggestion has merit," Syl gracious conceded with a slight grin. "I suppose I haven't really been paying Henry much attention lately but that is easily fixable. I'll get it sorted tonight. Your situation will require a lot more work. Now just sitting together will not be anywhere near enough to ensure success. No. There are certain steps that must be taken."

"Th-there are?" stuttered the editor in surprise. "I just figured..." he began but trailed off at the manager's pitying look.

"Oh Zee, you have a lot to learn." Syl called over one of her waiters and demanded a spare notebook plus a pen. The young and eager employee hastened to obey. "Firstly, you cannot turn up empty handed. You need to demonstrate that you knew your meeting wasn't a coincidence but that you still wanted to show anyway."

Teddy frowned. "What should I get him? Another rose?"

Looking aghast, Syl said, "Oh Lord no! That would just remind him of the failed date. In fact, I would steer clear of flowers completely. You need something meaningful. Something that shows that you care." The pair thought in silence for a while before Syl snapped her fingers and started writing furiously on the notepad. "Excellent," she said to herself as she beamed at the sentence. "Alright, the second point sounds simple enough but it really is important. Act like a gentleman."

Teddy glowered. "I doubt Dick would like being treated..." he trailed off.

Sylvia's eyes hardened. "I'll assume that you were going to finish that sentence with 'like a woman,' no?" When he refused to maintain eye contact, she nodded to herself. "Never once did I imply that you should treat him like that. What I did say was to 'act like a gentleman.' Basically, what you need to do is listen attentively, act confidently, ask appropriate questions, keep your hands off the merchandise and for the love of all that is holy, smile. At least look like you want to be there, alright?"

Nodding quickly and looking like he was drinking in every pointer, Teddy felt the stirrings of fear. How on Earth could he not worry in the face of a Batman interrogation but just the concept of being nice to someone he genuinely cared about made him want to hyperventilate? "An-anything else?"

"Yes," said Syl as she tried to viciously smother her smile and only half succeeded, "you need to look the part. Now despite living with Bruce, Richard has always had a preference for casual clothes. Since your trap is occurring at a basketball match, it would be appropriate to dress in a similar fashion. A simple shirt and jeans would do, preferably with a collar but no ties or anything like that. Do you have anything in mind?"

Tapping his chin in thought, Teddy noted, "Bruce suggested I wear green and start using my old name again. Of course he was drunk off his rocker but he might have a point. What do you think, Syl?"

"He's right about the green at least, it'll bring out those emerald eyes of yours but the name idea is a bit more of a contentious issue." The manager appeared to gather her thoughts for a few moments before she explained, "He already knows about your true name but in much the same way as with the flower, he doesn't need to be reminded about it right from the start. It'll just put him on edge, if it doesn't drive him away completely. When you've reconnected, then you can bring up such things. That is, of course, if you want to go back to your previous name in the first place. You may wish to leave that title in the past, which I shall leave to your discretion. What I will say is this; Teddy or Eddie, you'll still be my Zebra regardless."

Teddy accepted the warm hand over his with a warmth in his heart. He didn't really know if he would revert to his original name or not but knowing that it made no difference to his best friend meant the absolute world to him.

Now he just needed to survive to Friday, the night of the half-blind date.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Seventeen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**33 Across - Symptom of boredom (4 letters)**_

_**28 Down - Neutral (4 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	18. The Rocky Road Rage Riddle

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Eighteen - The Rocky Road Rage Riddle_

In preparation for the date, Teddy journeyed to Blüdhaven. Despite his GPS and Syl's handwritten directions, it still took him over two hours to track down _Mrs March's Chocolates and Other Treats_ shop. It was located deep within a small arcade, nestled between an Italian restaurant called _Linguine, Rigatoni, Fettuccini, Italioni_ and _A & T Cell Phone Repairs_. According to Sylvia, Dick was hopelessly addicted to the rocky road sold there so he bought the largest box of the indulgence that he could find. It was expensive but just the thought of the man he liked eating the confectionary and licking the residue off his fingers caused desire to flood his veins and other blood-related areas.

The only other task he needed to complete was purchasing a new green shirt since he'd turfed all them after his faked death. There were many to choose from. Too many, truth be told. A memory flashed into his mind, a rumpled Spider-Man shirt sitting on the floor of his car and an idea took hold. Eventually, he tracked down a store which sold vintage tees like the one Dick had worn and there were three green ones on display.

The first appeared to be of something called a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Well, there was no way Teddy would be caught wearing that atrocity. The second was a plain shirt with a stylized black dragon on it. The label said something about a metal fist or something that did nothing for the man. He went with the last one because he actually understood it and it also made him laugh.

Clad in his new shirt and holding his rocky road gift, Teddy took two deep breaths as he stood in the aisle. The basketball match was already in progress but only a minute had elapsed. The Gotham Knights fans were wearing the grey and black colours of the team, creating a sea of darkness around the arena, which was at odds with their boisterous cheering. It was strongly suspected that the team was named after Batman and several people in the crowd wore similar costumes. This made the Central City Clovers supporters stand out even more in their bright green clothing. At least his shirt allowed him to blend in and not stick out completely.

Teddy located his seat quickly and was relieved to find it was on the end of a row. His eyes automatically slid to the occupied chair next to it and recognised the long raven-coloured tresses immediately, causing his heart to thud rapidly in his chest. Despite knowing the man would be there, seeing him with his own eyes made it seem like a tangible goal instead of a small, fleeting hope. He slid into the chair without comment and took a couple of deep breaths.

The genius noticed the exact moment that Dick perceived his presence. The officer's entire body froze up for a moment before it relaxed again. For some reason, Teddy felt that the man was poised to strike. "What are you doing here?" seethed the man without turning his head in a voice colder than ice.

Teddy briefly considered saying that he liked watching basketball but he didn't want the first thing he'd said to the man in months to be a lie. "I came here to see you," he replied.

"Well, you shouldn't have," growled Dick. He crossed his arms and concentrated harder on the game, indicating his participation in the discussion was clearly over.

The small hope that had welled in the crossword compiler's chest abruptly faded. They watched the game in shared silence for the rest of the quarter. It wasn't until he looked down that he realised that he'd been absently fidgeting with the box of rocky road the whole time. As there was no game to stare at now, Dick was looking determinedly away.

Taking one last chance, Teddy gently placed the box onto Dick's leg. The moment it made contact, the man jerked and for the first time, looked at him. "Look. Maybe I haven't been clear enough for you. I am not interested in you. I will never be interested in you. End of story. ¿Comprende?"

"Yes," whispered Teddy while he nodded and hoped that the police officer didn't notice the tear he could feel rolling down his cheek. He had never been so pleased to discover that the intermissions in basketball games were incredibly short. The action was enough for him to focus on and despite his better judgement, there was something fun about getting caught up in the game that he'd never really felt before. In his youth, he felt sports were only for the intellectually incompetent but here and now, he was starting to understand just what drew in the masses.

In his attentiveness to the free throws a Knight was taking, the editor almost missed the soft rustle next to him. He flicked his eyes to the side and saw that Dick was gently unwrapping his gift. His heart warmed but he looked back to the game. Clearly the officer didn't want him to know that he was going to eat some of the offering. As the second quarter elapsed, the amount of rocky road in the box declined. There was fifty-three seconds left before halftime when he almost had a coronary. A small piece of the sweet had been carefully placed in his hand.

Teddy quickly discovered firsthand why the treat was Dick's favourite. It was delicious. Without even thinking, he hummed his approval. Feeling another piece dropped into his hand, he ate that one too and over his munching, he just managed to hear a soft whine next to him. Turning to look at the man, he noticed the box was almost empty and when he looked up, saw the other's eyes focussed on his mouth. He gave a small smile before looking at the cheerleaders who were out on court for the half-time show.

The third period was about halfway through when Teddy felt a finger brush his hand. He thought it was accidental at first until it did so again with a little more pressure. Heart hammering in his chest, he flipped his hand over and almost immediately Dick's warm hand slid gently into his. Lacing their fingers together, he turned to look at the man who had stolen his heart almost half a year before. A light red dusted the officer's cheeks but he brought their clasped hand to his mouth and softly kissed them.

Nothing on the Earth could stop Teddy from leaning over and connecting their mouths together in an ardent kiss. They both moaned loudly at the contact and steadfastly ignored any nearby mutterings as their arms wrapped each other up tightly. At that point in time, they couldn't have cared less about what others thought. They kept up their snogging well into the fourth quarter and only broke apart because a loud voice that did not belong to the announcer flooded the room.

"Alright, listen up people," came a familiar voice from the court. "I'm only going to say this once. If anyone leaves their seat, I'll have you killed. We've rigged this place to blow and unless the good manager of the Gotham Knights deposits ten million dollars into the account on the scoreboard by the time this match ends, no one here will survive."

Teddy looked around the room and noticed what appeared to be football, hockey, and baseball players standing threateningly around the arena. The game had stopped for a moment but they quickly started back up again as Sportsmaster made a few aggressive hand signals.

Dick was fiddling with his watch as Teddy extracted his phone. In short, he was angry. He connected it to the local Wi-Fi and hacked into the wire-transfer in progress. He started tapping on his phone in earnest and hit send mere moments before it was completed. The writing on the scoreboard vanished to be replaced with a single question mark.

A murmur ran around the room as the occupants recognised the motif and Sportsmaster stopped his commentary of the game (which he'd taken over the moment he announced his intentions) the moment he realised something was wrong. "What the hell?" he said angrily. "What kind of game are you playing Nygma? Where are you, for that matter?"

Teddy rose to his feet despite Dick's whispered protests and walked down to the court with his head held high. He was far beyond furious. This was the second of only two times that he'd finagled a date with Dick and both were ruined by the criminals of Gotham. Seriously? Who did he have to fuck to get a break in this town?

"What the hell are you doing?" yelled Sportsmaster.

Although he wasn't miked up, Teddy's voice carried well throughout the stadium. "I came here to watch a game of basketball. A game which you ruined for everyone. You stopped my fun, so I put an end to yours."

Sportsmaster blew the whistle around his neck and the goons around the stadium descended courtside. They formed a ring around the crossword compiler, who was standing in the middle with the villain.

"Oh please," said Teddy with a roll of his eyes. "If Batman himself couldn't beat an answer out of me, you and your minions have no chance whatsoever. You of all people should know how I operate." He held up his phone. "If I, my phone or any bystanders are hurt, I will never end my encryption of the transfer."

Sportsmaster reached into the hockey stick bag on his back and removed a solid looking golf club which he brandished threateningly. "I do know your plays, Edward. You gonna ask me a riddle or something then?"

"Naturally. The answer is the code key. Answer correctly and your transfer will resume, answer incorrectly and it will never occur," said Teddy evenly. "Don't look so glum, Sporty. I've made it sports related since your knowledge of everything else is," he paused for a moment, "limited."

Sportsmaster growled and snatched the phone that was held out to him.

"Press the question mark," ordered Teddy. When the villain did so, words covered the electronic scoreboard so everyone could see the riddle and the six spaces where the answer was to be entered.

**In the game of an insect, with an orb red or white.  
>These clues you will need, to escape your plight.<br>On the meat of my body, half of me is found.  
>The other half's given, to the best of each round.<strong>

**If stumped you are still, (there's a small bonus clue.)  
>I live in battlements, if there's more than two.<br>So enter me now, unless you cannot.  
>Before its namesake, sends you to rot.<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Eighteen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**5 Across - A form of lymphocyte (2 words - 1 & 4 letters)**_

_**24 Down - Trifoliate plants (7 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	19. Three Bats, You're Out!

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Nineteen - Three Bats, You're Out!_

Sportsmaster struggled with the riddle on the scoreboard and his meathead goons were of little help. The costumed villain swore many times both at the board and Teddy. Listening to him flounder was satisfying. It took the man over six minutes to work out that the riddle was based on cricket, which Teddy thought was ridiculously stupid of him. It took another eleven minutes for him to work out the clue was referring to the meat of the bat.

"It's Batman!" shrieked a random bystander.

Teddy saw Sportsmaster's eyes light up. "It is!" he chortled gleefully, as his mind saw the final pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Half meat of the **bat**, half **man** of the match plus parts of **bat**tle**men**ts, using batmen as a plural. He was about to input the password but was struck in the head with a batarang. It had never occurred to the villain that the woman meant she'd seen the vigilante in the arena itself.

Teddy used Sportsmaster's distracted state to reclaim his phone. He stowed it in his pocket and turned to see the dynamic duo standing in a formation, surrounded by the various goons.

One of the hockey musclemen attacked Batman directly (which spoke for how incredibly unintelligent he truly was) and was quickly disarmed. Robin leapt into the fray while Teddy retrieved the hockey stick from the ground. Sportsmaster had recovered from the unexpected assault and after seeing the editor holding his goon's weapon, yelled and attacked him.

Teddy kept up with the barrage of blows despite not having been in a battle for several years. There seemed to be merit in the belief that the body could remember movements through muscle memory and having it return in extenuating circumstances. Just as Sportsmaster began getting the upper hand, Batman streaked in, grabbed the man's fist, reefed his arm behind his back and batcuffed it to his other wrist.

"Forget something Batman? I have this place rigged to blow. Light it up, darlin'!" he yelled.

Nothing happened as the room momentarily froze. A female voice came over the speaker system saying, "I'm sorry, Cheshire can't come to the phone right now. This is Batgirl, can I take a message?"

A cheer went up around the stadium and the fight after that was short-lived. Just as his adrenaline was starting to wear off, Teddy found an arm looped around his mid-section. Instinctively knowing that it was Dick's, he couldn't help but lean into the comforting hold.

"Mr Nygma," said Batman, drawing the man's attention. He held out a hand which Teddy accepted in a handshake. "I heard you managed to stall Sportsmaster's plan. Thank you for your assistance in this matter."

"No problem, Batman. Oh, by the way, do you want to cancel the bank transfer or just let it timeout of its own accord?" asked the editor as he held out his phone to the vigilante.

Without saying anything, Batman accepted the phone. "So, do I enter Batman to cancel the transaction or the real answer to your riddle?"

Teddy couldn't help but smirk. Just when he thought he could pull one over him, he was proven wrong again and again. "You need the real answer, Batman wouldn't do anything."

"As Sportsmaster knows you as Enigma, I assume you used Teaser as your six-letter word for 'so enter me now,'" Batman narrated aloud as he entered the word into the device. It wasn't a question.

_Transfer Cancelled_ flashed up on the screen and the caped crusader handed the phone back to its owner. His eyes briefly flicked to Dick's, the arm around Teddy's waist and back to Teddy's eyes before he turned and strode from the room with a swirl of his cloak. Robin followed dutifully in his wake.

The arm around Teddy's midriff tensed and the man found himself being dragged from the room which was already rapidly emptying now that the immediate danger had passed. Maybe it was somehow knowing that as long as he was with Dick he would be safe or perhaps it was just the toll of the unexpected physical exertion catching up with him but the next thing he knew, he was waking up on his bed in his apartment with Dick firmly latched to his side.

Teddy blinked a couple of times and let his eyes roam over the police officer's comfortable body. He truly was a feast for the eyes, even in sleep. After a quick glance at the clock (5:51am) he thought about allowing himself to slip back into slumber but as the fact that he was finally lying next to the man who made him feel more in their short history together than he'd ever felt for another before, he found himself too content and excited to do so.

Almost against his will, the editor caressed the sleeping man's face gently. Almost instantly, Dick's eyes snapped open but Teddy assumed it was his police training coming to the fore. It took a mere moment for the man to realise where and with who he actually was before a smile spread over his face. "Hey you," he whispered huskily and then cleared his throat and the grin dropped from his face. "What the hell were you thinking?" he accused angrily. "You of all people know how dangerous Sportsmaster can be."

Despite his angry words, the officer's embrace tightened a little. Teddy quietly said, "I was thinking that out of everyone in the room, I was the one most qualified to delay him long enough for Batman to show up."

A vicious glare settled over Dick's face. "It hurt, you know," he growled, which caused a lower portion of Teddy's body to respond against his will. "It's usually me that lays my life on the line for the betterment of others and you could have died. That's unacceptable."

"No," snarled Teddy fiercely, "everyone in that stadium could have died. You... No. I couldn't allow it."

"Me?" asked Dick in surprise as he let out a low whine. The officer covered the small distance between them as they furiously began to duel with their tongues. Each adding their own possessive quality to the long and hard kisses. Teddy's hands started remapping the planes of the hot body beside him and he was enjoying being able to do so comfortably on a bed as opposed to their one and only tryst in the cramped front of his car. Feeling the other man's hands perform a similar examination upon him, he couldn't hold back a few breathless moans which were returned with interest.

Dick rolled onto the editor and possessively pushed him down into the bed as the sheet that had been on top of them both was tossed absently aside. Teddy hadn't realised that they were both already naked until that moment and decided that the lack of any barriers between them was most welcome as he snaked his hand down and firmly grasped Dick's cock in his hand, causing the police officer to cry out wantonly.

As Teddy began to jerk his lover off, Dick's hands slid from his back and down to his ass. Despite the fact that his own cock wasn't being handled personally, the weight of the officer on top of him plus the odd brush of the back of his own hand as it fondled his partner provided enough stimulation to bring him close to the edge. It took a great portion of his concentration not to embarrass himself with a premature ending and he gently disengaged his mouth from its ministrations on his lover's neck.

"I need you in me, Dick. I need you so badly," he panted as the ex-trapeze artist hummed his agreement while still receiving his handjob. With what appeared to be great reluctance, his partner released his ass and slipped a hand up past his head and under a pillow. Dick sat up with a bottle of lube and a condom already in his grasp.

At Teddy's distracted but still raised eyebrow, Dick stuttered out, "I was hopeful," as his body shuddered with part anticipation and partly due to Teddy's ministrations. He poured a generous amount of lube into his hand, capped the bottle and proceeded to stretch out his partner, whose strokes on his hard cock lost their sustained rhythm and caused him to smirk. Ignoring the repeated requests and demands to, 'Just shove it in me, already!' the officer just shrugged and said, "After my monumental assholedom of the past few months, I'm going to do this right, whether you like it or not, Ted."

Teddy groaned at the delicious combination of the nickname and as Dick's three fingers brushed his prostate. Despite his rational brain screaming at him that he needed all the preparation he could get since Dick was extremely well endowed, he couldn't help but brokenly beg to be speared on that fine cock. He'd long since stopped wanking his lover off and gripped his sheets with both hands as the fingers were finally withdrawn from inside him.

Waiting as Dick rolled the condom onto his engorged prick, Teddy couldn't help but whimper in anticipation as the officer lifted his legs, placed them on his shoulders and lined up his rod with the opening in his body. Glancing up, their eyes met momentarily and Teddy didn't even mean to say, "Fuck me hard, Dick. Make me feel it all."

There was no easing into it. Dick slammed his cock forcefully in and it was exactly what both men wanted, needed. Their joined cries filled the entire room as the officer began to piston in and out of his lover with powerful force. Waves of pleasure flooded the pair which steadily built as their lovemaking continued.

"Fuck," cursed Dick. He leant forward as he began to speed up his thrusts. "I'm, oh Ted, I'm gonna..." he growled before he connected them once again at the mouth. He slammed himself home three more times before adding one last, potent lunge deep within his lover.

The combination of the harder shove, the added friction between their bodies and his lover's filthy mouth practically molesting him, Teddy lost himself to his orgasm as he saw small bursts of white light dot his vision. Clutching to his partner who was remaining stationary deep within him, they continued to kiss languidly as they slowly came down from their shared high together.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Nineteen<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**12 Across - Particle (3 letters)**_

_**6 Down - That man's (3 letters)**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	20. Shared Histories and Secrets

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Twenty - Shared Histories and Secrets_

The pair had round two mere minutes later and thirds in the shower when they were supposed to be cleaning themselves up. They then tidied the thoroughly destroyed bedroom. Teddy ran the sheets to the washing machine while Dick disposed of the condom wrappers and mopped up a small puddle of lube from a neglected overturned bottle with his shirt from the previous night.

Teddy appreciated the look of a naked and marked Dick bent over in his bedroom but was far to satiated to get excited again, although his cock did give a weak twitch. "Just toss your clothes into the hamper and I'll take care of them," said Teddy and Dick proceeded to take his advice.

The officer hastened to obey but thoughtfully collected Teddy's discarded clothes from the night before too. As he dumped them into the basket, he chuckled and retrieved the green shirt. "Just so you know, I absolutely adore this top," he complimented as he gazed at it fondly.

Teddy felt a thrill go through him since his long and exhausting shopping trip for that one item seemed totally worth it now. The green head of an angry looking Incredible Hulk sat under the words, _I'd flex but I like this shirt_. Since the item wasn't really his usual style, he flirted with the idea of claiming it was a gift from a distant aunt but decided against it. As long as Dick liked it, who cares why or how he got it? The man in question smiled at it once more before dropping it back into the hamper.

"Not that I don't love watching you roam around my bedroom naked, Dick, but feel free to find something in my closet to wear if you like," offered the crossword compiler.

Dick flashed his another of his cheeky grins and started rummaging through the wardrobe. Teddy had already donned an outfit and wondered what was taking the officer so long when he noticed what exactly had caught the man's attention. Practically frozen like a statue, Dick slowly reached for the Riddler costume that was still neatly suspended at the far right side of the closet. He removed it from the hanger and absently traced the question mark in the centre of it.

"Shit," muttered Teddy to himself before calling out, "Dick?" The man turned to look at him but his eyes were now vacant, devoid of life and akin to closed curtains. The warmth in them from their early morning activities had all but faded. The fingers clutching to the jacket tightened, knuckles going white.

"I, I can't do this," Dick mumbled as if in a daze, causing Teddy's heart to stutter in his chest. Not again.

"Look, Dick..." started the editor but he was abruptly cut off.

"No. No matter how much I wish it were so, I just can't be with you. Not with our history," apologised Dick as he dropped the suit to the floor, grabbed a pair of tracksuit pants and quickly slid into them.

"History? I'm sorry but I don't follow," said Teddy with confusion as he watched Dick slink into a shirt.

Shaking his head, Dick continued getting dressed as he muttered, "Don't worry about it." When he was fully clothed and had safely stowed his wallet, phone and keys in his pockets, he made for the front door of the house with a bemused Teddy following in his wake. He'd almost reached the door handle when the homeowner grabbed his shoulder and forcefully turned the man around while pushing him back into the closed door.

"Dick, I don't know if you consider this some sort of casual thing or maybe this was just a one-time deal when the stars aligned in our favour. Regardless, there are a couple of things I think, no, I need you to know," Teddy all but yelled.

Dick was frozen in slight shock and although his muscles were tensed as if he were about to fight, he made no move to throw Teddy off.

Taking a deep breath, Teddy said, "I, I've never been a lucky man. Most of my life has been filled with disappointment, whether it was from my family, my few friends and even strangers on the streets. I never thought even for a moment that I would find anyone I would consider wanting to be with for any sort of permanent length of time but then you came along. As cliché and pathetically juvenile it is for me to say, I'd never lived until I met you."

Finally deciding to interrupt him, Dick said, "It makes no dif..."

"SHUT UP!" shrieked the crossword compiler and his yelled demand was complied with, mostly out of sheer shock. "If anyone should be petrified, it should be me because as much as I want this to work between us, I know that somehow I'll probably fuck it up but I at least want to get the chance. Please?" begged the man.

Dick visibly wavered for a moment but still denied the editor.

Knowing that if Dick walked out the door, he'd lose him forever, Teddy played his last card. It was a desperate gambit but his only chance. "I know I barely know you and something has you scared but I want you to know the absolute truth, something I've only had experience with recently. You need all the facts to make an informed decision." He heaved a steadying breath and felt tears come unbidden to his eyes. "I, er fuck," he started and wiped the offending droplets away, "I love you," he all but whispered.

Dick made a pained noise and Teddy saw a tear make its way down his lover's face. The officer flung himself at the editor and kissed him but the other man could feel the finality within it. If it was to be their last one together, he wanted it to be one to remember. He ramped up the intensity until they were virtually fused into one. They only reason they parted was because Dick bodily pushed him away, saying, "No matter how much I want us to work..."

"But we do work," pleaded Teddy. "I have no idea why you..." he trailed off as his brain went into overdrive. All sorts of small details clicked in his mind and he gasped.

Dick's expression changed from heartbroken to confused as he looked at the frozen editor. The only part of him that was moving were his eyes as they unseeingly zipped around.

Facts were rapidly aligning in Teddy's brain. Like how whenever there was a crime in progress, Dick seemed to be fiddling with his watch. It screamed a nervous habit but he was never tense in any of those situations, as if he knew he'd be safe. One or more of the bat brood showed up quite quickly in each instance. He'd also restated what was going on as if he were informing a third party which in this case would be Batman. But why? No one knew about the elusive superheroes except... the members themselves!

Dick knows who Batman, Robin and Batgirl are. Of that he was now certain because he must have been one of the vigilantes himself. His thoughts drifted back to the surprised look on Dick's face when he mentioned that there was more than one Robin the very first time they'd had lunch together and it clicked. Dick must have been the original Robin!

It was around the time that the original Robin was replaced with a much younger version that Nightwing turned up in Blüdhaven. It was also common knowledge that Nightwing did not seem to get on well with Batman, just like Dick doesn't seem to get on with... HOLY FUCK! Bruce Wayne is Batman! As implausible as it seems, it must be true, thus Tim would be the new Robin. No wonder why Batman interrogated him weekly. He needed to know if his identity had been compromised.

Surely his visits wouldn't have been enough to assure the paranoid vigilante that he was now legitimately out of the criminal game. It explained his invitations to Wayne Manor and then another thing clicked. That stupidly wigged villain, Scheherazade who had all but disappeared since her foiled robbery attempt, wasn't really a villain at all. Her features and undyed red eyebrows were that of Batgirl. He'd been unwittingly tested and supposedly passed since he'd been invited back to the manor after that fiasco.

"You're Nightwing," Teddy gasped aloud and the officer blanched at the words.

"And now you know why this isn't doable," said Dick with finality. He pushed Teddy off him and was out the door in the blink of an eye, leaving a no longer confused but heartbroken editor in his wake.

The following couple of weeks were the hardest of Teddy's life. His whole body was crying out for the man who'd abandoned him again. The man ignored his texts, didn't answer his calls and had hid like a fool when he tried visiting the man in person at his own house. He was also predictably visited by Batman, who must have been informed that his identity had been revealed and was grilled about it all in excruciating detail. Add that to Syl spending more time with her husband and less time with him (which was understandable but poorly timed) he found himself falling into a hole of despair.

It wasn't until he was about to submit his latest crossword edition for publication that Teddy realised one small fact. There was one last avenue of communication to Dick that he had neglected to notice. His crossword subscription. In the space of half an hour, the editor managed to re-write the entire Terrible Tease to include a secret message. Never had he finished one so quickly before but it was due at the printers and he was left with no choice. It was his last hope and he prayed it found its intended mark.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Terrible Tease Clues - Chapter Twenty<strong>_

_Teddy is a very clever genius. Two of the words from the chapter above are actually answers to Teddy's latest Terrible Tease crossword puzzle. Here they are now!_

_**3 Across - Alike (4 letters)**_

_**3 Down - Female relative (4 letters)**_

_**Congratulations! Hopefully you have now finished the Terrible Tease. Now all you need to do is find Teddy's hidden message. It's easy as one, two, three...**_

_For instructions on how to solve the Terrible Tease, please refer to the footnote of Chapter One - The Birth of Mr Z._


	21. Puzzles for the Riddler

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Twenty-One - Puzzles for the Riddler_

The days slowly passed after the publication of Mr Z's Variety Puzzles' latest issue with no sign or reply from the man Teddy now knew to be Nightwing. He still couldn't believe how incredibly stupid he had been not to pick up on the glaringly obvious signs. Naturally, he couldn't care less. If the vigilante was willing to overlook the fact that he used to be a villain, why on Earth would he take issue with the other's nightly activities? At least now if the man did randomly disappear on him, he wouldn't begin to suspect him of veiled romantic liaisons.

Even though Teddy's hidden message was likely to be ignored by Dick and was pretty much his final roll of the dice, having done something about it made him feel marginally better than before. He supposed it was because somewhere in the back of his mind, there was still a fleeting hope. Dick was yet to miss submitting an entry form since he took out his subscription, no matter how estranged they became.

When he wasn't spending his time pining over the vigilante like a thirteen year old girl, Teddy found he was spending time with his friends. Yes, that's right - friends. Plural. Syl had mended her connection to her husband and in all honesty, they were being sickeningly touchy-feely. Since their reconciliation, Henry Moore had become much friendlier and for the first time, the crossword compiler felt comfortable conversing with him on his own.

To Teddy's immense surprise, he had also become a semi-permanent fixture at Wayne Manor. Both he and Mr Wayne seemed to get on better than Catwoman did with kittens. They spent many a night chatting over dinner or just having a couple of drinks every now and then. He called him Bruce-man now as he no longer kept up his unintelligent Bruce persona but he wasn't cold like Batman. It was a convergence of both sides of himself and the editor wondered if this was the real man or just another mask he seemed to wear. So naturally, Teddy would make vague allusions to how similar the master detective truly was to Two-Face just to cause consternation.

Young Tim always found it hilarious when he did that. The kid was much more unilateral; Tim and Robin were quite similar in their actions, mannerisms and beliefs. He just hoped that he didn't split his personality to vast extremes like his mentor had.

Teddy no longer needed to bully Alfred into joining them at mealtimes as the older man began to automatically join them. Apparently, he'd somehow slotted himself into this small family and yet, the one man in it that he so desperately wanted to be with was the furthest from his grasp.

The editor's favourite moment at the manor so far was touring the Batcave for the first time. Bruce-man figured that there seemed to be little point in keeping it hidden from him, now that he knew of their vigilante personalities. It was very dark, gloomy and Batman. Bruce-man, Tim and Teddy toured through Batman's memorabilia and the latter felt a strong swell of pride that one of his original puzzle boxes was prominently displayed. It was when they made their way over to the Batcomputer (really? They couldn't have called it something a little better?) where they ran into a shocked and unmasked Batgirl. "My oh my!" he'd commented airily at the stupefied girl. "If it isn't Batgirl, I mean Barbara Gordon, oops, it was my intention to say Scheherazade."

Tim broke the stony silence between them with his bubbling laugh, which everyone eventually joined in on.

A week later, Teddy was parked at the dining table with all four of the others but could somehow sense that something was afoot. Tim was smirking more than usual and Alfred appeared to be slightly shifty. Barb broke down in giggles on a couple of occasions for no particular reason and Bruce-man was more closed off than usual. Knowing something was being kept from him was a sure-fire way to piss the editor off and the meal had become insufferable. "Alright," he abruptly spat out as he threw his fork angrily onto the table, "Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

There was a prolonged silence where the four shared several meaningful glances and smirks. Bruce-man cleared his throat and announced, "I was asked to hand you this." A folded piece of oddly familiar paper was handed his way. The moment he recognised that it had been taken from one of his puzzle books, his breath caught in his chest. He shakily opened the page and a fully completed terrible tease sat in front of him with all the numbered blocks highlighted in yellow. His encoded message was clearly visible.

_I can't help it Dick. I still fucking love you._

What was strange was that some of the other cells were highlighted in green. They made no real sense at first. L-O-H-O-S-O-E-O-E-T-L-I-V-S-O-U-A-Y. Naturally it only took him a moment to realise that it must be an anagram. His brain sped into overdrive and churned out possible words as fast as the supercomputer he saw last week could. In very little time, he'd solved the mystery, feeling rather pleased as it was the first time anyone had ever made a puzzle for him instead of the other way around.

"I love you too, asshole," Teddy said aloud with wonderment. Did this truly mean what he hoped it did?

"I couldn't have said it better myself," whispered a deep, husky and familiar voice in the editor's ear and despite himself, Teddy couldn't stop the shiver that encompassed his entire body. Strong arms settled on his shoulders for a moment before sliding down to crisscross over his torso from behind. "I'm sorry for being an imbecile," the officer breathed directly into his an ear and the man trembled again.

"Dick," Teddy gasped in return as he twisted in his seat and began snogging the man for all he was worth, to the cheers from around the table. The usually observant man missed the coos coming from Barb, Bruce-man confiscating Tim's phone where he'd been recording the moment for posterity while simultaneously slipping a few notes under the table to Alfred.

Apparently, the two older men placed several bets on the two men's relationship over the next couple of years. Alfred won the bet where Dick transferred from the Blüdhaven Police Department to the GCPD a few months later. He also scored by correctly selecting the month (September) that Teddy ended up moving into Dick's room in Wayne Manor. The butler picked the week that the ex-villain first worked in conjunction with the Bat Brood in Gotham City and the month that he finally consented to revert back to Eddie Nygma. Not that it made much difference, since his family still called him Ted anyway. All in all, he wondered why Bruce continued to bet against his paternal figure since he always lost.

Naturally, there was no way Batman would have allowed anyone to help patrol his city who had not been properly trained and equipped. Thus Teddy had spent over a year learning from the best in the business because there was no way in hell that he would sit at home, hoping his boyfriend would survive the night when he could be out there, fighting by his side. There was nothing more he liked doing (besides Dick of course) than flaunting his intelligence, thus Sunbird was born. His uniform was similar to Nightwing's except it was highlighted with a green insignia instead of a blue one. It was styled after the Malachite Sunbird and quite a few times dumb criminals would be confused as to why Sunbird wasn't yellow which allowed him to take advantage of their momentary confusion.

Three years after Sunbird burst onto the Gotham scene, after a particularly gruelling patrol with his boyfriend which involved four separate tussles with Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, Scarecrow and the Penguin, Eddie discovered a handwritten note hidden in his utility belt.

_Ted._

_I don't know how you manage to fight crime so often while still keeping your crossword books going. You truly are a marvel. Almost four years ago, I gave you a simple anagram to solve which brought us back together. I have another little puzzle for you and this one is also based on the most important Tease of all. The offer will last for five minutes and will not be offered again if you fail._

_Do __not__ fail me,_

_Dick._

Intrigued by this unexpected turn of events, Eddie turned the piece of paper over and found eleven haikus. Some flowed well, the others not so much but it was clear that his boyfriend had put a lot of effort into this. Each haiku was followed by a small series of numbers and knew that they had something to do with that encoded Terrible Tease from so long ago. It was the most important after all.

An electronic beep drew his attention to his boyfriend who had slipped into the room. That's right, he was on a time limit. His brain kicked into overdrive and began to solve the puzzle in front of him.

_A footprint or track  
>The ichnite is a message<br>A trace of the past  
>(1)<em>

_Love kindles a heart  
>Lucky clovers aren't level<br>I want a Pepsi  
>(5-3-3-2)<em>

_Idyllic oceans  
>Waves calm with no overt rage<br>It does not unnerve  
>(3-1-1)<em>

_Her vases shattered  
>Mrs Smith née June's ire?<br>Not iffy at all  
>(1-3-2-4)<em>

_A lemon meringue  
>Aunt May's treat since the T Cell<br>Count of his was low  
>(3-2-2-1)<em>

_Green ferns, idiot!  
>I'll dot you with an ice pick<br>Making small craters  
>(2-2-1-1-5)<em>

_Rats are akin to  
>An ugly nag and emu<br>On a leaflet front  
>(4-4-3-2-3)<em>

_Soar you flying fish!  
>They own both kinds, sea, sky and<br>Leapt up the inlet  
>(2-2-1-3)<em>

_Deep breath in, then yawn  
>Reaching down to touch a toe<br>A louse in yoga  
>(1-2-3)<em>

_Home cooked meals are great  
>They're not tasting icteric<br>Like Clip Art that's grey  
>(3-2-5-6-4)<em>

_Candles on a cake  
>They emit a healthy glow<br>Happy sweet sixteen  
>(2-6)<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Haiku Challenge<strong>_

_Dick is also very clever genius! Using the completed Terrible Tease crossword answers from the previous chapters, find the words in the terrible poetry above and try discovering the purpose of the numbers to decipher the hidden message._


	22. Batman is a Loser, Again

**From Mr E to Mr Z**

_Chapter Twenty-Two - Batman is a Loser, Again_

Eddie winked at his man with a highly amused smirk before turning his full attention back onto the puzzle. It took mere moments for him to recognise some of the words like ichnite and craters from over four years ago. He realised that he needed to recall all of them in order to solve this conundrum. It was lucky that he had an eidetic memory, then and an inbuilt database for every riddle and puzzle he'd ever crafted in his head. The numbers seemed to indicate how many of the words were in each haiku which made it easier for him to locate them all. He mapped the words into his head and highlighted the important ones.

_A footprint or track  
>The <em>_**ichnite**__ is a message  
>A trace of the past<br>(1)_

_Love __**kindles**__ a heart  
>Lucky <em>_**clovers**__ aren't __**level  
><strong>I want a __**Pepsi  
><strong>(5-3-3-2)_

_**Idyllic**__ oceans  
>Waves calm with no <em>_**overt**__ rage  
>It does not <em>_**unnerve  
><strong>(3-1-1)_

_Her __**vases**__ shattered  
>Mrs Smith <em>_**née**__ June's __**ire**__?  
>Not <em>_**iffy**__ at all  
>(1-3-2-4)<em>

_A __**lemon**__ meringue  
><strong>Aunt<strong>__ May's treat since the __**T Cell  
><strong>Count of __**his**__ was low  
>(3-2-2-1)<em>

_Green __**ferns**__, __**idiot**__!  
>I'll <em>_**dot**__ you with an __**ice pick  
><strong>Making small __**craters  
><strong>(2-2-1-1-5)_

_Rats are __**akin**__ to  
>An <em>_**ugly**__**nag**__ and __**emu  
><strong>On a __**leaflet**__ front  
>(4-4-3-2-3)<em>

_Soar you flying fish!  
>They <em>_**own**__ both __**kinds**__, sea, sky and  
><strong>Leapt<strong>__ up the __**inlet  
><strong>(2-2-1-3)_

_Deep breath in, then __**yawn  
><strong>Reaching down to touch a __**toe  
><strong>A __**louse**__ in yoga  
>(1-2-3)<em>

_**Home**__ cooked meals are great  
>They're not <em>_**tasting**__**icteric  
><strong>Like __**Clip Art**__ that's __**grey  
><strong>(3-2-5-6-4)_

_Candles on a cake  
>They <em>_**emit**__ a healthy glow  
>Happy sweet <em>_**sixteen  
><strong>(2-6)_

It took Eddie an embarrassingly long time (for him) to remember the word 'his' but still had at least three minutes to go on his time limit. As the largest number was six, and the longest word length of his crossword happened to be seven, there was clearly a correlation between the two. Perhaps it was as simple as selecting the specifically numbered letter from each word?

The letters appeared to leap out at him and against his will (despite many, many hours of training from Batman; he'd better not find out about this or he'd be crucified) his breath caught in his chest. _I love you very much, Eddie Nygma. Will you marry me?_

Without consciously choosing to do so, the haikus in Eddie's hands slid to the floor and when he turned to look at the love of his life, he realised his boyfriend had dropped to one knee with a plain gold band firmly clasped in his hand, outstretched in his direction. The space and height between them disappeared as he launched himself at the police officer.

Their tongues inelegantly twined between them as they lost themselves in each other. When they finally parted to breathe, Dick's tinkling laugh flooded the room. "So that's a yes, then?" he asked when he collected himself although the wide grin never for a moment left his face.

Eddie rolled his eyes, snorted and dryly said, "Obviously, Dick-Dack-Doe." The latest member of the Bat Brood also seemed unable to stop smiling despite the tone of his reply. They moved in for another prolonged kiss and Dick carefully and sightlessly the band onto his fiancé's ring finger.

After sharing their bliss with each other for a time, a deep cough interrupted them. They had long since stopped springing apart like children caught with their hands in a cookie jar and took a few more moments than they usually would to disengage. When they eventually parted and turned their gazes Bruce's way. He was still wearing his Batman armour sans the cowl. It was incredibly strange to see Bruce-man's smiling face where a stoic look was often to be found.

"Congrats!" he cheered and offered Dick a hug which was eagerly accepted by his first ward. It had taken time but the rift between them had slowly healed and they were closer than they had ever been before. After they pulled apart, the Caped Crusader held him firmly by the shoulders. "I know you're a stubborn bastard, Dick. It's why we butted heads so much over the years."

"I hope you're going somewhere with this," snarked the police officer, half with amusement and half with exasperation. Trust his adopted father to ruin the moment.

A Batman glare was hurled Dick's way although the vigilante continued as if he hadn't been rudely interrupted. "At first I thought you were insane when you started seeing that criminal," he said as he jerked a thumb at Eddie.

"Hey!" barked the crossword compiler as he angrily crossed his arms.

Once again, Bruce-man kept on with his narration, deaf to Eddie's outburst. "But he turned out to be an alright fellow, despite the fact that you were deeply conflicted about your feelings toward him at that time." Turning his gaze toward his soon-to-be son, despite the fact they were almost the same age, he said, "Never have I been so pleased to welcome someone into the family."

Eddie couldn't help but throw himself into the man's arms. He hugged him for all he was worth and let the tears he'd been trying to suppress run unchecked down his face. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Dick with an exasperated fondness at the two most important men in his life. "As delighted as I am that you're both happy and blah, blah, blah, let's go tell the others!" he chirped before grabbing Eddie's hand and dragging him from the room.

Tim was delighted on their behalf. Originally, when he'd been forced to listen to Dick rave about the wonderfulness that was Teddy Zerr, he just told him to go away and shut the hell up. After the man's true identity was revealed, he was intrigued and despite his earlier stance on the issue, wanted things to work out between them. Now they would be together for the rest of their lives. Seeing his older brother so happy gave him the push he needed to ask out the girl he'd had his eye on for quite some time. That was how Cassie Sandsmark (Wonder Girl) came to be his girlfriend and they'd been together almost half a year now.

Barbara squealed repeatedly like the raving fangirl she was. Whenever the pair engaged in anything like a mere peck on the cheek in her presence, they were subjected to listening to her high-pitched noises for at least the next ten minutes. While inconvenient, her unwavering support was a comfort to both men.

Syl was much the same and her long-suffering husband appeared to be pleased for the couple too. It was Eddie's fault that they knew about the Bat-family's identities. He'd had a particularly vicious argument with Dick one night and just like he used to, he went to Syl for advice and to get away. Unfortunately, he got quite tanked and didn't realise that he'd let slip about their alter egos until the next day where Batman calmly (which was so much more frightening than usual) suspended him from the Batcave ceiling and laid out the most gruelling training regimen that he was expected to complete. It had been torturous but he didn't complain once since he was still amazed that he hadn't just been killed on the spot. Naturally the couple were sworn to silence and unlike Eddie, they were able to keep their word.

After footage of Eddie's showdown with Sportsmaster went viral on YouTube, some other villains (admittedly not a lot but anyway) followed his example and turned their lives around. Selina Kyle, otherwise known as Catwoman, was one of them. She decided that as much as she loved the thrill of boosting cat-themed jewels and relics, she much preferred being chased by the Batman after the thefts. It had taken her considerable time to make her intentions clear to the romantically oblivious vigilante but eventually managed to snag him. They'd been going strong for a few months now and even Eddie could see they were both headed in the direction of marriage.

Dick and Eddie were surrounded and fussed over for the better part of an hour before the last member of their family walked stoically into the room. He appeared to be immune to obviously cheerful mood.

"Alfie!" chirped Tim, acting like a thirteen year old as opposed to his actual age of seventeen. "Dick proposed to Ted and he said yes!"

Alfred Pennyworth nodded his head thoughtfully before saying, "I have two questions, gentlemen."

Eddie flashed the butler a small, yet slightly concerned smile. "Yeah?" he agreed with obvious apprehension and doubt.

The English gentleman's eyes flicked to Dick and asked, "Master Richard, did you propose to Master Nygma in the way that you discussed with Master Bruce about last week?"

"Yes," answered the police officer warily.

"How long did it take him to solve your haiku puzzle?" Alfred's expression remained bland.

Dick pressed a hidden button and looked at a panel on his wrist. "Three minutes and thirteen seconds."

Everyone looked at Alfred as if he'd lost his mind. "I thought as much," the man announced. He made his way over to Bruce-man and held out his hand.

The man's eyes widened before a deep scowl crept over his face. Without a word, he began to remove his watch and with a huge sigh, deposited it into the butler's hand. "Fine, take it. It's not like I couldn't buy a hundred more if I wished anyway." The scowl softened into a pout.

A rich laugh echoed around the room and everyone's attention was drawn to Eddie. "Bruce-man, you have to stop betting against Alfred. You should already know that he ALWAYS wins!"

"Indeed," said the man in question as he permitted himself a small smile. "Congratulations, Master Richard. Commiserations, Master Nygma. I hope Sunbird survives long enough in Gotham City for you to regret your decision."

Eddie laughed over his fiancé's spluttering and hoped with the entirety of his being that they would stand the test of time together.

They did.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The End<strong>_

_I hope you enjoyed my story, whether you solved the puzzles or not. I certainly adored writing it. Eddie deserves way more air time as far as I'm concerned. Apologies if the epilogue seemed a bit too rushed or information overloaded but this is how I saw it ending in my head. As I'm the author, it's my choice, so there!_

_I'm not planning a sequel for this story but I've started working on a couple of other works involving this pairing. Is there a slash name for them yet? If not, I'm totally going with Eddick._


End file.
